Saturday, May 02, 2009

Heal thyself, then fuck off!

Is it me, or are people who are interested in psychology - including every therapist/counselor I have met on a non-professional basis - totally and completely fucked up?

I have recently decided that a friend who is a therapist has behaved in ways that are such to make me consider him an ex-friend. After a week of wondering if I had pissed him off, and having no replies to concerned e-mails asking about this, I got a short e-mail reply saying how "massively busy" he was. No reply about if I had ticked him off or not.

By the way - the incident in question was a lunch where I told him he came across as really negative about some things and that he should stop complaining or work on them. I am wondering if it took me two+ years to figure out that he is one of those Eeyore types that just loves to be in a rut and bitch about it. I HATE being around people like that.

I didn't reply at all because my immediate responses were along the lines of, "Take your space...permanently!" and "Sorry, I think someone is e-mailing from my friend's account, and he is a selfish jerk!"

This from a guy who is always emphasizing the importance of communication! And it fits this pattern we have...he shares something personal, then I don't hear from him for awhile.

I have decided that instead of agonizing about people like this I don't need them in my life. It's too short to worry about people and things who won't worry about me. This is a big step for me, because I am usually the kind of person who will take on anything to help someone else, or say yes automatically to anyone who asks for help with anything...which I have decided is not a good thing if it's at my own expense or it's something I really can't or don't want to do.

Is that selfish?


Fireblossom said...

I don't usually buy "busy" as an excuse. While once in a while things may come all at once, generally speaking we make time for what we want to make time for. Telling someone you're too busy for them just says they aren't as important to you as whatever it is you're busy with. If that's sandbagging for the flood, or having a baby, or running for preisdent, that's one thing. if not, then that's another.

And people who are just chronically, perpetually uber-busy? I don't even try to be their friend. Being that busy is just a big KEEP OUT sign.

pheromone girl said...

Not only is it not selfish, it's awesome.

Screw 'em, I say, if they don't get how completely lucky they are to have you as a friend.

It was SOOOO hard not to use the word "fuck" in this - but it is the theme of your gift from the nether reaches of Oreogn (Hood River) in a store that was so you it was scary!

Darth Weasel said...

Dad once wrote a song that I have always found hysterical. Included in it was the line, "He is an expert on marriage, his fourth wife agrees..."

And you are dead-on about the underlying point. Psychos that tell us how to raise our kids have kids that are hopelessly messed up, marriage counselors are on their multiple marriage or divorce, etc. Yeah, good advice, losers.

Grandpa Eddie said...

Well kid you can't keep helping everyone every time they need it. Before you know it, you're doing everything for them all the time.

True friends are very hard to come by. We have hundreds of acquaintances, but only a very few real friends....those who would go to hell and back with you.

One of the teaching of Confusius says that a man is rich if he can count his friends on his fingers and make a fist.

So if you have 5 really true friends you are a wealthy person.

Sidhe said...

I second Darth Weasel...

It's so true, virtually every single employee of our community mental health agency that I HAVE to work with is clinically insane!

the vr is swist which is so close to my favorite word, "twist" that I just have to be pleased.

LL Cool Joe said...

I've been let down too many times in life by so called friends. Truthfully I don't need them, as long as I have one of two true friends then the rest can just remain as acquaintances.

Apart from my blogging buddies of course! :)

Scarlet said...

Some people can't face or handle the truth and they blame everyone but themselves for everything that goes wrong around them. It's easier to bitch and complain about others than it is to own up to something, see it for what it is and take the necessary steps to change it.

These kinds of people drain the hell out of me. I'm done with them...and btw, I love the title of this post! :)

Anonymous said...

You can only be around they types that live under the metaphorical rain cloud for only so long. I don't blame ya.