Saturday, May 09, 2009

Never. Again. EVER!

For the first time in a long time, we have a nice, warm, sunny day here. It could be worse weather for having to do errands, right?

I thought I might as well go round up some supplies for our upcoming event at work - stuff for the day of the event, like balloons, ribbon, etc. Cheerful stuff.

Wanting to save as much money as I could, because we are a nonprofit, I looked for these things at craft stores that have great sales. Finding everything but balloons, I stupidly - repeat to self: STUPIDLY - thought I'd save a few bucks by doing to a dollar store.

I will NEVER, EVER go there again.

First of all - the parking lot is a fucking nightmare of SUVs and stupid people getting in and out of them. (Oh, sorry, that was redundant.) Inside, my already terrible allergies went haywire because there is so much shit in there stinking of bad fragrance and perfume.

I had to walk up and down every single aisle looking for balloons because - surprise! - none of the aisles have signs telling you what's in them. That would make too much sense - as would having any available employees there to direct you.

The place itself is a fucking mess. It looks like they have never vacuumed or dusted. You could not pay me to come here; why is the parking lot full?

After going through every last fucking aisle - and encountering items as diverse as spaghetti sauce and headbands and neon tiki-themed party decorations - I finally found the balloons. Somehow even those seemed cheap and unlikely to last.

Checking out, I saw the coup de dollar store: a $1 ovulation test, hanging by gum and other sundries. Hello! Would YOU trust a $1 ovulation test? Were these the defective or suspicious ones? How did they get to be in the dollar store? I have never tried to have a kid but based on my experience with other contraceptive/family planning (or in my case, planning to not have family) goodies, nothing runs cheap.

And on the way out, the cashier wishes me a "happy mother's day weekend."

Instead of saying, "Up yours!" I take the high road and swear to myself in the car all the way home.


Chiara said...

Happy Mother's Day Weekend? That's a little odd.

I actually have quite a bit of luck in our cheap shops here in Australia, though ours are always way more than just $1, and we don't have ovulation kits. I always find awesome stuff for costumes!

Fireblossom said...

"...and this little kitty went 'fuck! fuck! fuck!' all the way home"?


Claire said...

1 dollar ovulation kits???? Really? Oh man, that's FUBAR.


Sidhe said...

I've wondered why $1 stores are always filthy. Then there are the dollar stores where stuff isn't really a dollar (what's up with that?).

Busting my guts over Fireblossom's comment!

Scarlet said...

LOL - Ovulation kits "hanging by gum and other sundries" at the dollar store?! Sounds like the Ño, Qué Barato store here in Miami...only worse!

Granny Annie said...

Who is funnier -- You or Fireblossom? LOL

LL Cool Joe said...

Gotta say I love these kind of stores. I could spend all day buying loads of crap, but then I'm a tight arse with no taste or class.

What I used to do was buy stuff for one pound and then sell it on Ebay. Shifted a great deal of stuff to the gay market too. ;)

Grandpa Eddie said...

I have never seen a "Dollar Store" that was clean or had marked aisles. I think the idea with that is that it makes people look all around the store to find what they are looking for in hopes that they will buy way more than what they came in for.

Pouty Lips said...

You're a Riot, Kitty! Go Fireblossom. She is definitely feeling feisty today.

Green tea said...

Fire blossom just made me pee my pants.. :D
Kitty you go girl!!!

Aliceson said...

That's what you get for only $1. I hate those stores too. And what's up with people wishing a Happy Mother's Day to any woman?

Darth Weasel said...

I think "dollar" is not necessarily the price of the item but rather how much they pay the employees.

per day.

at that rate, why WOULD they care enough to clean up?

Shionge said...

Whew!! All that effort I bet it must be exhausting....yep...I agreed with what Fireblossom mentioned, you probably go 'fuck x 3' all the way home ;)

Hope you eventually get all your cheerful stuff if not...sending some cheers to you pal ;)

pheromone girl said...

God, you crack me up! I hate those places... and yet, the kids got me extra goofy stuff at one for mother's day.

Fireblossom - you know her well!!