Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Last time I checked, it wasn't 1955

I took yesterday off to relax and do a bit of self-spoiling. I am not the girly type and I don't do a lot of pampering, but a manicure and pedicure were a treat I thought my feet and hands deserved after several days of moving, packing, loading, unloading, and being on said feet nearly nine hours nonstop Sunday. (OK, I did sit down for three minutes to sneak in a sandwich.)

Silly me - I entered the land of GIRL. There was a rather chatty middle-aged woman getting her nails done with pink (I opted for clear, the least girly shade possible - and turquoise toes)sitting across from me.

The manicurist asked me a couple of questions to make small talk. Did I have any kids? Because she saw a wedding ring.

Me: "No, no kids. How about you?"
Her: "Yes, I have a son who is four."
Me: "That's a cute age."
Her: "Do you think you will have kids someday?"
Me: "No, I have my hands full with a husband and two cats and my job."

You would have thought I had pulled the needle across a record and brought it to a screeching stop.

Woman next to me: "Oh, don't say that - you might change your mind one day."
Me: "People have been telling me that since I was five years old."
She: "And how old are you now?"
Me: "32."
She and the manicurist: "Oh, you look really young!"

Note to readers: this is the only reason I did not launch into a really nasty diatribe, because they both went on and on...Never? How did I know? Was I sure? Why didn't I want any?

HELLO! Had Mr. RK been in a similar situation (ok, not getting his toenails painted, but you get the idea), do you think that conversation would have taken place?

This is 2009, not 1955, and I am not Donna Reed. I was born without that gene.

Does everyone with a uterus have to reproduce? Hell no!

I am just not the maternal type. If people want to have kids and love them up that is just great! If I wanted kids I would go to adopt anyhow, because there are so many kids who want loving homes. I enjoy (some) other peoples' children. I have just not ever wanted to be a parent.

Can you imagine the flip side of a conversation like that, if someone expressed the desire to have children? Would there be such a talking down or interrogation? "Why do you want them? Why? Are you sure you won't change your mind? Really!"

Stay out of my uterus, ladies.

Perhaps I should come up with more clever responses (as opposed to the truth) next time.

"I actually have a phobia of penises, so it wouldn't be possible."
"Sniff. Actually, I had sex with an alien and my uterus exploded, so I'm sterile."
"I'm married to a Republican, and I don't think they should breed."

Any other suggestions?


Anonymous said...

a good retort i heard for that conversation is when they tell you you'll change your mind is to ask them if they ever changed theirs about HAVING kids. LOL.


Anonymous said...

Preaching to the choir!!!! I have a grandmother... granted in her 80's.... who feels that I "should have been a nice boy by now" and doesn't understand that after having "the attention from so many boys in high school" why I don't have one now. (I don't have the heart to tell her I have no interest in men... at all since shit rolls down hill and I really don't want to deal with it.)
Now, keep in mind that securing "a nice boy" is step one in her plan of me turning into a baby-making machine. Oh, and I do have an older sister WHO SHOULD BE HECKLED FIRST!!!!

I also have coworkers who have questioned me as to why I am not married. I give the same response to them as I do to dear Grandma: I'm focused on my career.

I never understood why my self-worth needs to be based upon how many children I can spawn.

Sorry.... you hit one of my pet peeves. Again, preaching to the choir!!!

LL Cool Joe said...

Yep there seems to be a terrible amount of pressure on woman of a certain age to have babies. "You'll regret it if you don't". Your biological clock is ticking" etc etc.

There are so amy assumptions made about what certain genders are meant to love and do. Heaven help anyone who says "Erm no I don't fit into your nice little box buddy."

And good for you with adoption too!

Btw. For some reason my dashboard isn't showing all the blogs I follow with their updated posts. Yours is one of them. I think mine is the doing the same too!

Scarlet said...

"Stay out of my uterus, ladies!" is a beautiful response. :)

Aliceson said...

I love the republican response! It's funny, I have 2 kids and strangers (old ladies walking around the grocery store) will ask me if I plan to have more. Excuse me? Would it be appropriate for me to be asking old women about their reproductive history (although with my expereince most would give me their life story in the produce department) or if they still have sex? Of course not! Whatever happened to "mind your own beeswax?"

pheromone girl said...

I, personally, think you should be a little less crass, darling. Answer with something like "But I was always told my brother and I shouldn't have children, since the possibility of mutant offspring is so high in situations like this..."

JLee said...

You know that's funny because although I have a child and love her dearly, I never wanted children and knew that from a very early age. If a doctor would have performed a tubal on me, I would have done it, but they won't! They refuse if you're under a certain age and have no children, thinking you will change your mind. But I think some people just know.

Grandpa Eddie said...

Personally, I like your third option.

What the fuck is it with people!?! Can't anybody mind their own business anymore!?!

If it was me...(not that I get my nails done)...I would have told them all to go fuck themselves....just to see the expressions on their faces.
But then...that's just me 'cause I'm like that.

Word Geek said...


Fireblossom said...

Laffin at that Pheromone Girl a.k.a. Betty.

Riot Kitty said...

Dickiemo and PG: Great lines!

GE: I usually would have said that, too - but they flattered me and I fell for it ;0 Also, she was still painting my nails and I didn't want them all fucked up...

Grandpa Eddie said...

I can understand the nail thing....but isn't flattery just the female version of a sucker punch?

Riot Kitty said...

GE: Actually, they looked genuinely taken aback when I said I was 32. They were like, "Oh - you look really young. But still..."

Shionge said...

It is happening here too RK...before I have any children others would ask when.

When I have two girls, the next question would be when are you trying for a boy ;(

I love my girls and never thought I would be a Mom someday.

I have friends who are married and no kids because having been a Mom, it sure comes with alot of responsibility so yep I say....just enjoy your life :D

skyewriter said...

Riot, I have been trying to think of something clever to write here in response for a few days. I seem to have misplaced my smart-ass.

As soon as I find it, I'll try to come up with something decent...

themom said...

I think the "excuse me, but F**k Off - would have been appropriate - after the pedi was complete. I just don't get people and why they have to nib into the personal. I would have said something like, "I prefer not to get pregnant, I am leaving that up to myt partner!"

Green tea said...

Lets see..How about

When "name your guy" is available I'll consider being his baby MaMa..

Seriously, not everyone needs to have babies, just don't change your mind when your in your 60"s Kitty *grin*

Sidhe said...

People always want to know what's gone on, what's going on and what might go on between a woman's legs. I'm just going to start saying, "Nacho" and if they say, "What?" I'll respond, "Nacho bizness!"

Pouty Lips said...

"Apparently I'm supposed to produce 1.5 children. I'll have children when I figure out how to actually achieve that statistic."

Darth Weasel said...

"Why would I need children when I can listen to you?"

Crickets and hair dryers....the only remaining sounds.