Saturday, September 13, 2008

"If I give you a quarter...

will you call someone who gives a shit?"

OK, I've had a cell phone forever and I admit to not knowing how much a pay phone call costs these days...but still.

I work in a very small office that does a lot of different stuff. Somehow, it was timed that EVERYONE except me was on vacation for a couple of days. And we don't have a receptionist, so guess who had to answer the phones?

We have a helpline (I work at a nonprofit health organization) and those calls are usually OK, in terms of people being polite.

It's the people who WERE NOT having problems that were pushy, demanding, assholic (is that a new word?)

So here's a list of answers for the next time this happens - and these really do apply to calls I got:

"No, I DO NOT know how much it costs to copy your class training manual at Office Depot."

"Yes, she really IS on vacation! Just because she is answering work e-mails does NOT mean she is secretly hiding here in the office, avoiding your call. Although I wouldn't blame her if she did."

"Yes, her last name does start with G." (I am not making this up.)

"No, we will NOT give you $200 to come to the meeting on Monday. Ha. Ha. Ha."

"Person A is on vacation. Person B is also on vacation. Person C is also on vacation. Yes, really."

"No, I will not call Person A at home because you have a question about your Office Depot order. Are you the jerkoff who called before?"

Needless to say I would never last as a receptionist. I have a whole new respect for what they do!


pheromone girl said...

There's this nifty little button on the phone that you can push and they go away. It's awesome. I used to do that all the time, during my receptionist days, and sometimes they would call back and I'd disguise my voice and pretend I could barely speak English. Or, I'd cover the mouthpiece a little and say something REALLY rude into my hand, like I was talking to someone in the office, and leave them like that, completely ignoring them, for 5 minutes.

Scarlet said...

I totally disagree with you...I think you'd make a fine receptionist. :)

vivavavoom said...

I worked the front desk of a naturopaths office when I first graduated and I have so much respect for them and realize they really are the pulse of the office so NEVER piss off the front desk. At least in my profession they can make and break you!

Darth Weasel said...

it doesn't help that so many people who call remind us that yes...there ARE people walking the streets who make you wonder if they didn't evolve backward to the baboon stage or earlier...

Green tea said...

Me neither, Kitty.
I volunteered at a campaign office one time as the receptionist.
My tongue was so sore from biting it.
I refused to do it again.

Claire said...

I am going to try and use "assholic" in a sentnce every day this week.


JLee said...

Worst job in the world. It was my first full time job when I was 18and we would hang up on rude people but cut them off midsentence as if the phone malfunctioned! haha

Darth Weasel said...

ps: the promised post from the Mr Riot Kitty still has not appeared...just sayin'

Foster Communications said...

Assholic is totally a word!!