Going past the usual "mind the gap," the voiceover artist who was recently sacked made comments such as these:
"We would like to remind our American tourist friends that you are almost certainly talking too loudly."
* "Would the passenger in the red shirt pretending to read the paper but who is actually staring at that woman's chest please stop. You are not fooling anyone, you filthy pervert."
* "Would passengers filling in answers on their Sudokus please accept that they are just crosswords for the unimaginative and are not in any way more impressive just because they contain numbers."
* "Here we are crammed again into a sweaty Tube carriage ... If you're female smile at the bloke next to you and make his day. He's probably not had sex for months."Personally, having ridden the subways in New York all through college, I would have appreciated a bit of laughter. Not in England! Not allowed! If everyone in that country doesn't have a stick up their ass I don't know what's what.
Officially, she was fired because she said the tube (subway) was horrifying and she'd never ride it. So what's wrong with honesty? Apparently that's forbidden as well.
That fine country also made headlines in the past few months for lecturing a children's book author about fire safety - she had written about a fire-breathing dragon. Mind you, have you heard of any other kind of dragon, aside from Puff the Magic Dragon? I always felt that Puff probably envied the other dragons for their fire-breathing abilities and evil attributes...meanwhile, in Britain, his name is a slur for homosexual.
I have e-mailed my American friend who has lived in England for the past decade, asking whether it's still legal to laugh in her adopted country. I thought I heard snickering, but I can't be sure.