1. Don't show, don't tell: Why is it that middle-aged women with saggy asses and awful underwear wear tight-assed pants that show us as much? Sorry, but I JUST DON'T need to see it, lady. You know who you are. In front of me at the cafe. I nearly canceled my order and choked on my muffin. I don't show you mine, and I didn't ask to see yours.
2. Oregon drivers, rant #42,204: Note to said drivers: when you merge, LOOK FIRST, you fucking idiots! Drifting without so much as checking your mirror, looking over your shoulder, or (gasp!) have you heard of a blind spot?
3. On that note, for the people who tailgate me in school zones, then speed up exactly a mile when the school zone ends: what the fuck are you doing? What kind of point are you trying to make, other than 21 mph is the new cool? Seriously! One day you will get an expensive ticket, and I will laugh.
4. To the editor of the San Francisco Chronicle magazine, who blew off one of my authors in a one line e-mail without so much as looking at the letter he had carefully constructed: fuck you, bitch. Actually, this was the week before last, but it'll do.
5. To the environmental magazine editor who also pissed me off, here's a tip for the uninitiated: if you ignore e-mail for a month, then ask for an interview to be arranged the next day, you will not get it.
6. To the dust that gathers in the back room of my apartment: you are my enemy. You think you can outlast my husband's forgetfulness and unwillingness to get rid of you, but today you lost :)
4 comments:
I like the site redesign, by the way...
And another personal favorite is people who wear a thong thinking it is sexy...and then manage to get them off-center as evidenced by the tag being half-way over their butt. First of...take off the tag. It ain't hot. Second...how the smurf do you get that little string off-center anyway? I am not sure I really want to think too hard on that one...
I don't understand how you can think that dust is your enemy--dust is just another misunderstood victim of an uncaring society. I can't bear the thought of you murdering all those cute little dustbunnies who have done nothing but remain faithful to you! It wouldn't kill you, you know, to set aside a small area in which your dustbunnies can co-exist with you in peace and harmony. Some people set aside space under the bed for them, others allow them to take up residence behind the refrigerator.
If, however, you truly don't want to share even a small corner of the back room of your apartment with these loveable little creatures, you can send your dust to me (God knows my living room looks as though everyone else in the state has) and I will make sure that it roams free and wild with others of its kind. I like to think of my home as something of a free-range dust preserve and am considering setting up some sort of non-profit group to educate people on the discrimination that we dust-caretakers experience on a daily basis.
Eat my dust, indeed, you heartless killer!
Yes and to those muffin -top- thong- wearing offenders,um your pants shouldnt be so tight that you look like you have a second butt in the front.Ehem.Vomit.
And what about a list of things that made your life a little brighter? I'm just wondering what the other side of the coin looks like.
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