1. Don't show, don't tell: Why is it that middle-aged women with saggy asses and awful underwear wear tight-assed pants that show us as much? Sorry, but I JUST DON'T need to see it, lady. You know who you are. In front of me at the cafe. I nearly canceled my order and choked on my muffin. I don't show you mine, and I didn't ask to see yours.
2. Oregon drivers, rant #42,204: Note to said drivers: when you merge, LOOK FIRST, you fucking idiots! Drifting without so much as checking your mirror, looking over your shoulder, or (gasp!) have you heard of a blind spot?
3. On that note, for the people who tailgate me in school zones, then speed up exactly a mile when the school zone ends: what the fuck are you doing? What kind of point are you trying to make, other than 21 mph is the new cool? Seriously! One day you will get an expensive ticket, and I will laugh.
4. To the editor of the San Francisco Chronicle magazine, who blew off one of my authors in a one line e-mail without so much as looking at the letter he had carefully constructed: fuck you, bitch. Actually, this was the week before last, but it'll do.
5. To the environmental magazine editor who also pissed me off, here's a tip for the uninitiated: if you ignore e-mail for a month, then ask for an interview to be arranged the next day, you will not get it.
6. To the dust that gathers in the back room of my apartment: you are my enemy. You think you can outlast my husband's forgetfulness and unwillingness to get rid of you, but today you lost :)