And in the hierarchy of offending gestures, there is nothing more obnoxious to me than being interrupted in my own home by people purporting to save my soul. (A tip for the uninitiated: I'd rather be in whatever kind of hell your religion espouses than get saved, if I have to do it with you.)
This evening, I was expecting a friend to drop by, hence I actually answered the door during dinner.
Complete stranger, standing by another complete stranger, bundled up like they are walking door to door to spew cultish crap: "We'd like to talk to you for a couple of minutes."
Note: if you are not invited, or flashing a badge, this tactic will fail in the House of RK.
Me: "We're eating dinner." Closes door.
That is pretty good restraint, no?
Then I realized what I was wearing.
Other things that are annoying me this week include the fact that I have to work with mustache man on our upcoming lobby day again. I'm sure he remembers me, because I all but flustered the Yosemite Sam mustaches off of his annoying little face two years ago.
And then there is Vasil, who has recently discovered how to meow up the stairs. Yes, you read that right. He has mastered the power of the echo - at midnight, and at 5 a.m. However, he is so unbearably fucking cute that I literally can't throttle him.
You'd never know he could be such a little asshole, would you?
Lastly, the lady - scratch that, the female - who blew through a stop sign and nearly bought me a new car, or a new me. Luckily for both of us, I have really good brakes, and so does the person who was behind me. I really and truly hope that when I laid on the horn like nobody's business you shit your pants.
22 comments:
And now for something completely different: For Christmas I want a horn that sounds like an 18 wheeler just got electrocuted. I'm tired of driving a large SUV that goes "tink" when I honk the horn. You may now proceed with your regularly scheduled program after I ask you "Have you given any thought to where you will spend eternity?" *faceplant*
I once threatened to sic the cops on a couple of JWs who were leaving homophobic pamphlets in my mailbox. It was an empty threat -- they knew it and I knew it -- but it sure felt good to say it, LOL! They didn't come back either, so bonus.
Vasil and Jazz WERE separated at birth. Our black demon has discovered that yowling in the bathroom has a really, really good echo.
And I have often thought that when/if I am confined to a wheelchair I want an air-horn. And Ben Hur spikes as well. I have no intention of suffering alone.
Add Norbert to the evil ones that were separated at birth. Demon spawns.
Those religious people. FUCK YOU, indeed. Don't come to my door and insinuate yourself into my life.
Sorry but you are telling me that Vasil has only recently learnt to meow up the stairs? Aren't cats born to do that kind of shit? One of our cats managed to get up to the top of our fake fireplace and meow at the top of it because she'd worked out it was just inches below our bed. So we shut her in the kitchen and she chewed through all the fruit juice cartons that were on the top of the cupboards so sticky juice ran down the fronts of all our cupboards.
Then she crapped on the work top.
I'm laughing so hard at Joe's comment. Hahahaha. :)
I have two funny stories about soul saver visits:
1. My dad's friend lost his wife to cancer and a couple of soul savers read the obituary and dropped by his home to talk to him. He lined them up on the couch and got out the whiskey bottle - lined up some shot glasses and said, "OK - we'll talk, but first we're going to have a shot of liquor." :) They left. :)
2. We have a lot of visits from handsome young Morman men who are on their "mission" by going door to door. My young friend Bess has mosaic Downs syndrome and LOVES show tunes. She got a degree in musical theater from a local university. A few weeks ago, Bess was walking the family dogs (you've seen them - the two retrievers on my blog) and two young men approached her on the street and said they would like to come to her home to talk about the Book of Morman. She burst into the song from the Broadway show! Her mom and dad love telling this story. She did give out the address after she finished her show tune, but the parents didn't let them in. :)
Nice shirt :)
I once had a Jehovah's witness try to save me in the produce section at the grocery store. I was, "Dude, really, I'm just here to get tomatoes"
And I'm sorry/glad to know that Vasil also knows the power of acoustics.
That reminds me of a couple of ideas I've had:
1. Grow evil beard, dress in black and knock on people's doors and try to convert them to the Church of Satan.
2. Register a team as the "Church of Satan" in a church softball league.
But I'm pretty sure I'd be shot dead in these here parts.
I agree wholeheartedly. If I want to be saved I don't need someone knocking on my door believing they are the ones who can do it! They need saving from me, if the truth be known! Just leave me alone!!!!!
Like I say to those clowns who ring me....I tell them to leave me alone in no uncertain, polite terms! Phuc off is strongly uttered by me at them often, before I slam the phone down! Yes...it's a land-line!
I told one lot the other day when they asked for me by name (in their accented voice). "I'm sorry...she doesn't live here anymore...she died last week!" That sure shut him up quick smart! Funny thing is I've not received one of those calls since!
I don't have stairs, but Remy (black and white) loves to yell in my ear around 5 am. I've given up yelling back as he ignores me. Oh, for winter when the sun doesn't come up as early! :)
Fortunately I do not run into folks who like to save my shriveled soul anymore, but in the summer, I do see them in my neighborhood making the rounds to other houses.
The only problem I have with folks like that are the ones who act like obnoxious assholes/holier-than-thous and have the "God Bless You" tag on their e-mail signature.
Father Nature's Corner
Who's a little grumpy-face today, eh? :-)
The ones that come to the door to sell you a pamphlet, forgot their names, I have a new ruse. One came to the door and said they wanted to sell me one of their pamphlets. I said, "Okay," very happily. When I came back, I handed them one of our church pamphlets which is used if anyone asks what we believe. I put the pamphlet in her hand that was outstretched for money. "Here is one of our church pamphlets, but ours is free." Then, I quickly closed and locked the door, leaving her with her mouth open and looking at the pamphlet I handed her.
"Mastering the power of the echo"... I love that expression :-)
Phunny shirt. Pretty much sums it up. I have zero tolerance for anyone trying to sell me something or push their religion on my doorstep (same thing for sales calls at night). Normally, I politely decline their offer, but occasionally some persistent fools will try to convince me, then it's game on. If prompted enough, I will engage them with all sorts of counter arguments just to be asshole.
Vasil sounds like like he is looking for an exorcism (or eviction). 5AM yodelling on the stairs is definitely grounds to get voted off the island.
Oh I've missed your feisty posts and humor. Your kitty is so adorable, reminds me of my Riley (lab mix but looks like a shih tzu with very little zu, I like to say). He wakes us up to go out at 2 am, 5 am, whenever his little bladder needs to get out.
Pushy people annoy the hell out of me. You crack me up and that shirt, lol...what's the story?
And by the way, RK....I've included a couple of recipes for you in my latest post. :)
I used to get that at one of the places I used to live... I actually had a co-worker that once told me he was concerned about my soul...
What I want to know is who invites them in or listens to their pitch? Same with phone solicitors. Someone has to be listening in order to keep them out there interrupting our dinners and our sleep. Those people need to get a life and stop encouraging these interlopers.
Did anyone say.... grump? Hey, you've got your own children's book! That's great. My who life is a children's book, so if you need inspiration.... Exactly... who wants to meet those people in heaven? I always ask them: "Will you be there too? Yes, well, then I'm not interested. And for your information... you don't know shit." Pardon my Greek.
A few months ago this dumb rhymes with runt in a brand new Mercedes proceeds to blow through a stop sign in my neighborhood and almost slam into me. I laid on the horn so hard that she stomped on her brakes, jerked the wheel dramatically (no idea why) and ended up jumping a curb into a rock garden that was so tall I could hear it just SHRED her Mercedes' new undercarriage.
You do not know how much pleasure I got out of that.
RK the comments by those above are almost as hilarious as your post. Your readers, gotta love 'em!
Post a Comment