Thursday, June 12, 2014

Odds and ends

Things are still rough for loved ones (yes, plural) - let's just say cancer sucks. Thank you for all of your kind wishes. Now, in attempt to cheer myself up, and any others who may just want to laugh, this post is for us.

Last night I went to a small event that was a fundraiser for an organization where I am on the board. Its mission overlaps with that of my organization, and I dragged 16 people I know through work to this event. It was nice to be informal and joke around (some helped by wine), and I found out two things I had in common with someone I know because of legislative stuff: 1. he is a preacher's kid like me, and 2. fuck is also his favorite word.

Don't ask me how this came up. But I got to show everyone pictures of a shirt that my dad designed and sent just for me!

Yes, I do have the coolest dad ever. My friend asked me to let him know that she's up for adoption.

I'm thinking about things that pop into my head that I would like to make standardized, socially appropriate questions. Last night one of the guests emailed me two hours before the dinner, asking what to wear. I suggested business casual. OK, fine. Then she texts me twenty minutes after the event started. "Where do I park?"

To which I wanted to reply, "Are you a grownup?"
Wouldn't that be cool as a socially acceptable, standardized question/reply to asinine requests?

I got into it once again with our national organization today. Never mind the fact that the big event in May was the biggest one we've ever had, and is on track to raise more than we've ever raised. Here's the conversation, shorthand:

Him: You have XX number of participants who haven't raised any money.
Me: Actually most of them have. But the website is difficult sometimes, so they send in checks rather than raise money online.
Him: Why aren't they posting the information about check donations on their own web pages?
Me: Refer to my earlier response.
Him: Why don't you do it for them? (Background: around 1,800 people register for the event online. He's asking me to manually enter every fucking check for them on their individual web pages so they can show their friends. There are about $26,000 in checks so far.)
Me: Seriously?
Him: Other sites do it. (I'm sure a similar argument has been made for putting firecrackers up your ass, would you do that?)
Me: I don't have time to hold the hands of 1,800 people who can't figure out your (shitty) website.
Him: Don't you have volunteers?
Me: Yeah - and here are the 100 more valuable things they do for us, like help people get resources when they're in crisis. You know, we have a lot more going on than this event.
Him: I hear that a lot.
Me: And you know why? Because it's true!

And then I said this, verbatim:

"Frankly, I don't give a flying fuck what other sites do. I'm grumpy and I don't appreciate you chewing on me, and I'm not talking about this anymore!"
I followed this with an email full of stats - how many resource request calls we've gotten last year (almost 2,000), how many people we directly served with our staff of three (more than 8,300), how we've added an entire new program this year than I am managing.

But being able to use the words "flying fuck" at work was rather satisfying, as was the fact that I knew my boss would approve. In fact, I think that should be a socially acceptable standardized reply to asinine requests as well.

Wouldn't you agree?


Elephant's Child said...

Huge smiles. And gratitude that I am not a very visual person. There is a partially formed image in my head of a flying fuck - and it isn't pretty.

OldLady Of The Hills said...

Yes, indeed! I DO agree! I cannot believe you have grown up people calling you to find out where they can park!!! How do they get out of bed in the!

I LOVE that T-shirt your Dad designed----he is pretty damn cool, and a Preacher, too? I think that is Fabulous. Fuck is one of my very favorite words, too, along with a few other choice words that make you feel really really good to say.....!

Lynn said...

Sounds as if you and your dad have fun. :) That shirt is perfect.

"Where do I park?" Amazing.

Granny Annie said...

Oh man, I am one of those who would call and ask where to park:(

Debra She Who Seeks said...

You DO have a very cool Dad!

Furry Bottoms said...

I didn't get it at first. The T-shirt. By the time I finished reading the post I went back and AH HA! You do have a fun dad!! :)

I never would have guessed you to be a preacher's kid though. Never. No way Jose.

My Girl Murphy said...

Fuck yeah 'fuck' should bw an appropriate response. Are you saying it isn't??? Well, fuck me!

Abby said...

I don't think my dad's ever heard me say "fuck", and vice versa. Maybe that's why I don't have a fun t-shirt from him?

G. B. Miller said...

Must make it kind of hard to land properly, eh?

Father Nature's Corner

Lee said...

Quite firmly, with my voice just a little louder than normal...I told some clown with an accent who rang me late yesterday afternoon to "Fuck off!" before I slammed the phone down on him!

It's a great word that suits and applies to many occasions; and a word that gives me great pleasure in uttering, particularly when idiots I don't know; idiots I have no intention of knowing; and idiots who think that I'm idiotic enough to give them my personal details via a phone call!

I definitely don't spend time being pleasant to such people who intrude upon my privacy. I don't do it to it's time they learned not to do it to me! So fuck 'em, I say...firmly and loudly!!

Jokingly a friend and I used to excuse our regular cursing by saying we spelled it "Phuck"!

A brilliant that should never be under-rated! ;)

Lee said...

And, best thoughts and wishes re your loved ones and their health issues. Hugs. :)

Charles Gramlich said...

Any time you interact with the public it seems that everyone thinks you work just for them and have nothing else to do but cater to their needs.

Dexter Klemperer said...

What a great way to define a successful day at work! And I'll also have to remember to use "Are you a grownup?" more frequently.

lotta joy said...

PHUC CANCER. And it's about time. How much longer must we be defeated by the same foe!

Jerry E Beuterbaugh said...

"Riot Kitty" has been included in the A Sunday Drive for this week. Be assured that I hope this helps to point even more new visitors in your direction.

Scarlet said...

You have the coolest boss ever and he knows what he has in you and that's great! I hope you become CEO of PHUC U.

Ragdoll Mommy said...

You really do have one cool dad! I love the new look of your blog, I think it looks really cool! If I were you, I'd beware of Jerry E Beuterbaugh's comment, we had gotten something just like that on a blog I'm apart of (not my actual blog), and they had stolen my pictures without my permission, even though I actually DO have a disclaimer on my blog specifically stating my pictures are copy written, and they told me that I didn't have one, when I did. I am still really mad at them, please beware.

Jerry E Beuterbaugh said...

Well, my dear Ragdoll Mommy, I wish you would point out where either my wife or I said anything about you not having a copyright notice on display. The truth is that everything originally published by an individual is automatically copyrighted. So, there is no need to have a notice posted to help to guard against people actually stealing your stuff for their own personal gain instead of just trying to do something nice for a complete stranger, but when we see that someone has taken the time to spell-out that they do not want their stuff copied, we won't make a copy of it--even with the intention being for their good.

By the way, unless Riot Kitty has went through some drastic changes in the last seven months, your attempt to defame my reputation has been in vain. For she gets it, which was proven by the very gracious comment she left when she was included in a Sites To See last December.

Lee said...

How big is that tea-cup, I wonder? It must be large to fit the storm it's created! ;)

I have no idea what you've said or done, wrong, Jerry...but weather the storm! I know you can. :)

A Beer For The Shower said...

We'll take two of those shirts, please. Size medium. Thanks.

I honestly think that the only reason my wife can tolerate her job is because it's the kind of office where you can say "flying fuck" without getting fired. And I'm not even kidding. Venting goes a LONG way at a frustrating job.

CraveCute said...

A few choice words when things are going to Hell always make me feel better. Lewis Black would be so proud! Do some of those people still live at home with their Mommies? Grow Up People! Just reading your blog makes me feel better. Hope your family members health starts to improve. Take care dear....

DWei said...

As that say in the online gaming community: Rekt.

I couldn't do that myself though. I'd be much more patronizing and passive aggressive. :P

Mike_D said...

I'm with you!

Betty Manousos said...

i really love that t-shirt your dad designed. gosh, he's very talented!

big hugs!

Vanessa Morgan said...

You should probably make post cards with that "I'm thinking that you should probably fuck off"-catpicture and hand them out at work ;-)

LL Cool Joe said...

I'd probably be one of those people asking you where do I park, but then I don't consider myself a grownup yet, so it's understandable. ;)

And if you told me to dress "Business casual" I wouldn't have a clue what that meant. ;)

Green Tea said...

You go girl...Some people are never satisfied..

Cheryl said...

The shirt is great and I, too think your dad sounds cool.

As far as your response "are you a grownup?" I think that is perhaps the most AWESOME response (short of the "flying fuck" response) that I have ever seen.

I think perhaps "fuck" is the most versatile and under appreciated word ever. I suspect over time, it will be used in everyday conversations but then by it's over use it will lose its power. If you think about how shocking it's use was just a few decades ago versus it's general use in the media, it is picking up steam. Yet, it still manages to convey a message that other words fall short conveying. I am sending you a separate email with what Crabby Pants would of looked like in the 1700s if she talked like she does today.