Friday, August 09, 2013

Even my first real job was perverse

Nothing illegal. I promised my friend Grannie Annie that I would write about this, and I shall do so.

I had babysitting jobs off and on in junior high and early high school, but I was super excited to get a "real" (e.g. requiring your own transportation) job my junior year. I participated in my school's work experience program, which gave you a free period (e.g. get out of school early) if you had a part-time job and came to one meeting a month. Cheers for me!

This program manager was told by our town's university that the job I was interviewing for involved contacting patients post-surgery to follow up and see how they were doing, as part of a study.

Little did I know - and I promise you I would not, could not make this up (I am not that creative) - it was in the urology department.

Calling guys who had penile implant surgery.

Yes. Really.

I only lasted a couple of weeks but I'll never forget some of the responses. They mainly fell into the category of, "Yeseverything'sfinebye!", but a few...varied.

One guy denied he had ever had the surgery.
Me: "Do I have the wrong number? Are you Mr. XYZ who lives at ABC address?"
Guy: "Yes. But I didn't - ahem! - have anything like that done."

Then there were the TMI guys...I'll leave you to figure that one out on your own.

My favorite, though, was an 82-year-old guy who said, "It's been just great! No problems at all! The only problem is that I have too many girlfriends now, HAHA!"

I only lasted a couple of weeks and told the doctors at the university that I was just too embarrassed to continue. They understood and there were no hard feelings (no pun intended.)

23 comments:

OldLady Of The Hills said...

What were they thinking having a 16 year old make these kind of calls???
OY! I mean, those people sound like they were completely out of touch with the reality of your youth....
LOVE the picture and caption you used....Very Funny!

Elephant's Child said...

Really pushing you in the deep end there. In one of my earlier incarnations I interviewed people who had left their job to determine whether they had 'just cause' and should receive income support. I had a 16 year old girl who had left her job as an artificial inseminator of pigs - because she was too embarrassed to tell anyone what her job was. And yes, she got income support.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

The funniest was the guy who completely denied having had the surgery! Poor bugger was THAT embarrassed, I guess!

Charles Gramlich said...

Wow. Just....wow.

Dexter Klemperer said...

So did you have to give up the free period in school? That would have been a tough choice. You should have had the 82 year old guy call the guy that didn't want to talk about it. Maybe that would have made him feel better.

Birdie said...

OK, that is definitely the most bizarre job I have ever heard of!

Riot Kitty said...

Naomi: I know, right?! It was a memorable experience, that's for sure.
EC: O.M.G.!! Wow. How exactly do you qualify for *that* position?
Debra: I know! This was before Viagra was FDA-approved, so much less discrete.
Charles: Yep.
Dexter: Lol! Nah, I went to work filing in a dentist's office. That would have been hilarious to connect those two...
B: I don't know, the pig inseminator sort of takes the proverbial cake!

Cheryl said...

I can't believe they put a young high school aged girl in the position of talking to men about their penile implant surgery. BUT still it makes for a fun story to tell, after the fact.

My first real job was working in the kitchen of a small town cafe. Luckily it was a good one and I am still OK to eat in small cafes without worrying about botulism.

Abby said...

I'm with the others, wondering how they matched a young girl to THAT job! Good thing you started blogging, that's just too good to waste.

And I'm sitting here thinking, damn, my first job was cleaning up after people ate...

Claire T said...

Ha, that face! You have the best stories - what a first job!

Lee said...

Hahahahaha! I guess the look upon your face at the time was akin to that of "Twitch", Riot Kitty! ;)

wigsf3 said...

"Hey. You gotta pretty voice. Why don't you come here and check it out for yourself."

Granny Annie said...

They could tell very early on that you were a crazy cat lady journalist and would need this story later on in life.

A Beer For The Shower said...

I have no idea what this implant does... makes it bigger? Makes it work? Either way, I don't think I'm going to take to the Internet to find out. Some things are better left unknown.

But really though, what a job.

Betty Manousos said...

wow, what a story!
your first job does sound kind of demanding and bizarre.

your stories are always so interesting, rk!

hope you're having a wonderful day. have a great week ahead!

big hugs~

Riot Kitty said...

Cheryl: And now people put botulism into their skin on purpose, go figure!
Abby: Yours was probably grosser.
Claire: Little did I know that it would make a great narrative one day...
Lee: I am sure it was!
WIGSF: Yeah, luckily no one said that...
GA: Excellent ;)
ABFTS: This was before Viagra was FDA-approved. There were a variety of implants that...did different things. Made it bigger, made it work...for some people anyhow! Apparently a lot of people called with product complaints ;)
Betty: Thanks! I wonder if I seem to attract strange stuff or other people just don't write about it...

Mike_D said...

First job was as a dishwasher.

You know what other jobs I've had--"we put the ho ho ho's back in holiday..."

DWei said...

At least it paid well? I hope it did?

If not, it made for a good blog post.

CraveCute said...

Hahaha! Oh you poor thing! I would have been mortified also! Great story though!

Shionge said...

Very very challenging I must say :D

Riot Kitty said...

Mike: Yes, I know! That's fucking fantastic.
DW: The princely sum of minimum wage...then I got a raise, when my boss found out how little they were paying me. Not much still.
CC: I was, and it is ;)
S: Yep!

Lynn said...

How did I miss this post? That's the strangest job for a teenager I've ever heard of.

And as you can imagine - my experience as a 16 year old went the other way. I worked at the county library, shelving books. :)

Anil P said...

:-) :-)