Today, one of my colleagues from another office came in and made us laugh so hard my cheeks hurt.
"Well! I didn't realize the traffic in Portland was so BAD! And then you won't believe what happened. This guy totally cut me off and almost caused an accident and you know what?"
This is what: the vehicle that cut him off was a business vehicle. Right on the side, it said, "Mobile #..."
To that number, my colleague, who is normally very mellow, texted "ASSHOLE!"
Then, the guy started calling him. Then my colleague realized that although he didn't want to answer it, he also didn't want the guy to get to voicemail because it was his work cell phone (and a greeting including the name of his place of employment), so he kept picking it up and then hanging up.
Then he got a nasty text: "You annoying Prius-driving f*g!" I don't even want to type it. But the first thing out of my mouth was, "You drive a Prius? You're not an asshole!" He goes, "I know! All of other people I know who drive them are complete jerks!" (Apologies to non-jerks reading this who drive Priuses.)
So my colleague texts back, tongue-in-cheek, "I am sorry if my car or my sexual orientation offend you."
And then...radio silence! Bullies are cowards. We think this jackass probably shit his pants when he realized he had actually texted that pathetic expletive to an actual gay person.
So...in other strange news, not even knowing it was a full moon last night, I managed to trip and drop my car keys down a sewer grate in a parking lot. What are the odds? Mind you, everyone who has found out about it (except Mr. RK) has said, "I'm always afraid that will happen to me!"
On the contrary, I've feared many things, but not dropping keys into a sewer, and it actually happened.
Stupidly, I put my hand through the grate and took off some skin - right before my first meeting at an organization that was voting me onto their board. (Yes, I clean up nicely.)
I promise not to wrestle any sewers this weekend. And yes, my book is still for sale! There's my shameless plug. If you've already bought it, we would love a review! No publicity is bad publicity! And it would help make up for a member of my extended family who didn't even bother to respond to our email about it.
Follow-up email: did you get the news about our book?
Response (even though I wrote about how you don't have to have a Kindle to get it, and detailed the info about the Kindle Cloud reader): "I don't have a Kindle. I am glad you two are working together."
That sort of sounded like, "I am glad you and your brother are folding napkins together."
And kind of made me feel like this.
And yes, that is the side of the family where my dad is convinced I share less DNA with than I share with a banana.
29 comments:
When I'm in the States next I'll open an account on Amazon.com and buy the book but I don't think I can do it from the UK can I?
Btw I've dropped my keys down a sewer too. I mean if you tried to do that you couldn't could you?
The Prius must be the most difficult car to drive. It is unbelievable how many times I've seen a Prius drive in complete disregard for other cars, people and signs clearly posted. I must disagree with your colleague.
Were you able to retrieve your keys from the sewer grate or are they gone forever? Hey, maybe you can think of this story as your Jal Valjean moment and elevate it to high art!
Ha! What's up with you and the banana, chica? Is there something we don't know? ;)
Funny story about your friend and the guy's calls. I've often wondered who calls those numbers and why. This story is "classic."
Btw, I left you a message on your other post (finally read it and no, I don't remember your e-mail but I was in a flooded mess in Chicago checking e-mails on the iPad and it's always so temperamental...). Anyway, I went to Amazon but couldn't figure out how to buy it for the computer. Please let me know where to look!
There is a seniors home that I occasionally get called to go to for work. For some reason I always end up having to park right beside a sewer. And yes, I always worry that I am going to drop my keys or cell down there. Worse, I worry that I am going to drop my work cell down there!
Did you get your keys back?
Hi Joey! Yes, you can from the UK. Thanks! And yeah, we probably couldn't do it if we tried.
WIGSF: My colleague agreed that most of them are pricks.
Debra: It ate them! Your comment cracked me up btw!
Ily: Thanks chica! I texted you the info. As for el platano, haha! Probably.
Birdie: Didn't get them, although the electronic fob would have short-circuited...more disappointed about the keychain, which I got in London in 2011 and was a limited edition Hard Rock Cafe one. Not expensive but I liked it.
I don't have a car yet but I always thought Prius's were supposed to be good or something?
Am I mistaken? Maybe I should keep taking the bus.
Loud smiles. Thank you. And no, I am not smiling at your key or hand mishaps.
Did it! I got the Kindle for the pc (cool how quick, painless and easy it was)...and I look forward to reading your book. I'm excited for you! Can you put Miami on your book tour list?? That would be so cool and you and your little brother would love the coffee here! :)
Well - did you get the keys out of the sewer???
Sorry your relative didn't respond as expected. I have a close relative like that, who never even reads my emails. :)
Aw, sad kitteh.
I live in fear of dropping my keys down a grate!
Keys down grate = painful trip to replace ridiculously expensive key for Red Menace. ouch, sorry about that
DW: I think you'd be a nicer person taking the bus ;)
EC: I got it, no problem!
Ily: Thanks chica! We would love to come visit...maybe need to sell 100,000 more books first ;)
L: No! The sewer ate them. Families are...interesting.
C: So you'll probably never drop them! I, on the other hand, never worried...and dropped them.
Darth: Yeah, ouch as the skin heals back too!
OMG, I never even thought about dropping keys down a sewer grate. Now I'm totally paranoid.
I wonder how I missed commenting on this post. Unless you had mentioned our wallpaper being the same I might have missed it totally and then I wouldn't have commented and then people would think I was your distant relative.
Never go near a sewer drain. IT lives there don't you know? The clown says "It floats...it floats..."
Isn't amazing that people will just expect you to spend ALL this money traveling for their child's wedding but treat your events like a non-event? unbelievable!
And a shameless plug for your plug was given by me over the weekend to my friendly postal clerk who goes by the name Sal (yes, I am on a first name basis with some of the counter clerks). I was lamenting about my book (you know already what I complain about) and he happened to mention that his son was starting to get into books.
Bingo!!!!
I asked age (10) and said that my very good friend ML Madison just came out with great MG book called "The Adventures of Black Jack Peppeer". Gave him other details and what not, so hopefully he will pick up a copy.
I've always been extremely paranoid about dropping my keys down the sewer, and the paranoia has only increased since I've now start having things drop unexpectedly out of my hands.
Abby: Well, being paranoid, you probably won't drop them!
GA: HAHA!
IA: Yes!
GB: Awww, thanks!! And like I mentioned to others, the paranoia will probably result in you never, ever dropping your keys down a sewer.
Dropping your keys down a grate--One's worst Nightmare! It never happened to me, but it is something to be feared, for sure! Sorry you had to go through that, my dear.
sorry to hear about your keys.
dropping your keys down a sewer grate...goodness me, i can't even imagine it. that's a real bummer!
aw, that sad little kitty is adarling.
have a great week ahead~
big hugs~
i don't even have a kindle yet.
but i'd love to buy your book.
As a man with a very loud, very showy muscle car, I don't understand the whole Prius thing, but kudos to your colleague for driving one and not being a super douche. I try to keep an open mind about people. You know, not all drivers are representative of their car. But I'm sure on the other hand, most Prius owners think I'm a douche for driving my car and hating mother earth (I drive it like 500-1000 miles a year, and it gets 25 mpg. It could be worse!).
Naomi: Thank you :)
Betty: It was odd, that is for sure! And thank you...I don't have a Kindle either, but you can download Kindle Cloud Reader for your computer free (no spyware) and read it, or send it to your phone. That's what I do :)Thanks!
ABFTS: Yes, I think we have exactly the same car, come to think of it. HOW can you never drive it though? I'd go through withdrawal :)
I do apologize, but all I heard was "keys dropped down a sewer". Although I am right there with you if you ever find out those other domains ever come up for sale; I am more than willing to donate. We crazy cat ladies are destined to take over the world. Incidentally, is your event west coastal or east coastal? You should look into scheduling a bi-coastal eventl
K: HAHA! West coastal. I'll keep you posted on domains ;)
Nothing wrong giving your book a plug! After this I'll go and have a look.
Perhaps you need to carry a plug with you at all times, too...for open sewers! Hold tight onto those keys!!! ;)
Lee: Thank you!
Prius? Really?
Mike: Heh.
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