MEOW!!!!
OK, some of you have been accusing me of being Little Ms. Sunshine lately...so here you go. I actually started this blog to have a vehicle for ranting so I'd rant less at home, but I've strayed from that...trying to focus on the positive...but hell. Like the magnet on my fridge says, "Sometimes It Just Feels Good to Bitch!"
So here's my top 10 list of things and people that pissed me off today:
1. The impatient bitch in the white Jetta who almost ran me over in the crosswalk near the post office. Have you heard of pedestrians? You were in such a bloody hurry to go to ... the drive-up mailbox! Mon dieu! If you would have waited for me and not almost put me in the hospital, surely the box would have gotten up and left, right?
2. The equally impatient asshole in the silver Lexus who tailgated me through the school zone on the way home. What part of the words "School Zone" don't you understand? As immature as it is, when you started really riding my bumper it felt SO GOOD to finally give in to my urge to flip you off.
3. The cat. OK, I know you're pushing 20 years old, which the vet says is like being 92 if you're a human, and you're deaf, and you're a purebred, and you have kidney failure - none of which are any fault of your own. However, I *did* inherit you from my younger brother and this geriatric cat care (and vet bills) are all fine any dandy, BUT...must you piss on the bathroom floor and then scream your head off? You fluffy white fuck! It's bad enough that I have to clean up after you, but do you have to whine quite so loudly about it? I'm cleaning it up, not you.
4. The immediate family of a friend who is caring for his ailing parents. You three (wife + adult kiddos) are the most selfish bunch I've ever heard of. The spouse: you work fewer than two full days a week, and you can't manage to even ride with him on these trips to the hospital, or even go to the grocery store without complaining? The best thing he could use, in addition to the support you're not giving him, would be a great blow job, but from what I hear, that happens like once a year. So glad I'm not married to someone as selfish and bitchy as you. The kids: you can't even change your own lightbulbs? Does he need to wipe your asses in the bathroom as well? Give me a fucking break!
5. Sprite Zero, or whatever you are called. Why must you be so addictive? I have been drinking a bottle a day which is an OBSCENE amount of soda for me, and full of chemicals...and it never seems to last more than a few minutes.
6. Movies. Why do the ones currently playing all suck?
7. Heather Mills. You gloat to the whole world about getting nearly $50 million for four years of screwing! And then have the balls to say your ex slighted your kid because you're only getting $70K a year for child support!!
8. People whose calls I am WAITING FOR after interviewing. At least reject me! This not having a job part sucks. I'm educated, hard-working, and personable. I'm also fucking broke, so fucking hire me already!
9. Nicotine. Why do you allure my husband, who quit smoking almost four years ago? Fucking tobacco companies. You're also responsible for the health problems that my friend's parents are going through. Intentionally spiking your product, marketing to kiddies and then your CEOs lying under oath about whether they believed their products were addictive. Rot in hell. Those multi-billion dollar judgments are too good for you. It's blood money.
10. My body. Why do you have to ache under stress? You're 31, not 101!
That is all.
9 comments:
We got your birthday cards, and flank you in age, so stand proud with us on your ailing 31 year old legs.
Poor Vladimir. Little did we know that when Mr. Gomez was looking cute and sultry in his youth (or cat middle age, I guess) that 11 years later you'd be calling him a fluffy white fuck.
Is it ok for me to titter about that? I do feel very bad for Vlad otherwise. And for you.
The word of the week in my school library is vitriol. :) So you're not alone.
Awesome post..you got some good stuff out! :) And my body aches when i am stressed too :( its no fun.
<---now beginning to compile a mental list of others to whom 'you fluffy white fuck!' could apply...
Albert Einstein and Mark Twain are both dead and undeserving, I feel...
Colonel Sanders?
Col.Sanders! LOL!
Thanks Misty...there were a couple of other things that I forgot, too, but hey, enough negativity :)
It's good to let it out!!And enjoyable to read. Bitch away.
the word of the week is classic; go read the blog "By Ken Levine", trail back maybe 3 or 4 posts, there is a whole line of discussion on whether "vitriolic" is a ten cent word or commonplace...
with that said, oft times it is quite cathartic to vent massively. may have to plagiarize your list myself.
Ok, I'm still laughing about the "fluffy white fuck!" ha ha too funny!!!
I hope your day gets better! :)
Don't ya love the fact that Heather Mills got 2 million less then what Paul offered her.. greedy little "beeach"
Several times when running, I have almost been run over by cars in a hurry to take a right on red. My solution: I spit on their car. Usually they are shocked.
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