Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Time for laughs

After a few irritating things going on in my family and friends' lives and my own, I thought it might be time for another funny post. I'm not taking any of the credit - I owe it all to Portland Craigslist.

From time to time, I browse job board sections in fields where I don't regularly look...just for curiosity. Tonight's search turned up a few gems. Sadly, this only took a few minutes.

Dancers


Reply to:
Date: 2008-01-23, 7:01PM PST


Exotic Anchor Inn and Grill looking for dancers asap. Located in beautful Oceanside Oregon. Lodging possable take a peek at *web site* or contact *person* at .....




Location: Oceanside Oregon
  • Compensation: Open
  • Telecommuting is ok.
  • This is a part-time job.
  • OK for recruiters to contact this job poster.
*My questions:*

1. How does the telecommuting part work if you're a stripper? (Note the second bullet point.) Do they partner with You Tube?
2. What kind of recruiter would do this kind of work? (Note the last bullet point.)
3. Just because the poster works at a strip club does NOT excuse him from knowing how to spell the word "possible."


Here's another:

SMART PERSON NEEDED Fast paced office

(Apparently they need someone smart because the poster doesn't have a fucking clue when it comes to spelling...)


Reply to:
Date: 2008-01-22, 4:50PM PST


With sales in 25 countries and across the North America we are searching for someone willing to step in and be part of our team. You will start in customer service, order processing and general office functions. We beleive in a real person talking with all our corportat customers so you will need a great phone personality and a willingness to be very helpful. An additional plus will be experience in the saftey, accounts receivable managment and/or purchasing.

We offer a great compensation program, 100% fully paid bennefits, great working hours,fully paid sick and vacation bennefits as well as private offices for each person. If you are that smart person I'm looking for and want to be recognized and paid for what you are really worth, send me your resume and salary history.




*My God! "Bennefits" once is bad enough; but twice? Hookd on fonix workd fore himm.


And here's one for a potential Mrs. Doubtfire - talk about getting to the point:

Daycare I need it


Reply to:
Date: 2008-01-23, 6:39AM PST


2 boys two And 4 i work tue-fri 9-4..

email me your info. rates and location. Please be specific I dont have alot of time to email back and forth. So give me your avail, my house or yours and where. rates so on and so forth. And a bit about yourself thank you...




Location: Lake Oswego
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
  • Compensation: no pay
*So she doesn't have time for capitalization, punctuation, or, it seems, compensation for her future employee...*

And my personal favorite...Haircuts at Hooters!

Be A Barber Babe....Hair Stylist Wanted !!!


Reply to:
Date: 2008-01-23, 3:06PM PST


The Barber Babes is now hiring a part time hair stylist! We need a girl for Wednesdays and Saturdays, or Fridays and Saturdays (your choice). Hourly or Commission....whatever one is GREATER....plus tips! The tips are GREAT!

Our shop is new and small, but we have placed ads in the Willamette Weekly, Mercury, Exotic, Verizon Yellow Pages, Craigslist, Just Out, and tons of sites on line. We are getting so busy it's time to hire another stylist!

The uniform is similar to the Hooters girls (short shorts, tank tops, slouch socks, white tennies), and we are having fun doing Cheerleader Mondays, School Girl Wednesdays, and Fishnet Fridays (not too revealing...we follow public decency codes). I'm sure you can imagine the tips are WAY better than regular shops! (*So is the occasional mopping of jiz off the floor, I'm sure.*)

Send a photo of yourself (G Rated) and a resume to (person) at (e-mail.)

* Must be licensed
* Just out of school is OKAY! (Of course it is...you have to stuff yourself into a cheerleading uniform, and someone experienced might have a bit more self-respect.)
* Fun/Cool girls only (no stuffy or stuck ups!)

*No one with any self-respect or brains, either! And sadly, this salon is owned by a woman...I am tempted to send her pictures of people having sex with animals, but I am not sure where to find them.*




6 comments:

Darth Weasel said...

Well, you know the world is full of smrt people (a "clever" allusion to the Simpson episode where Homer is dancing around saying, "I am so smart! S-M-R-T!...I mean, s-m-a-r-t")

It always makes me wonder how serious people are about their scams when I get an email offering to "refinance your morttgage" or "Your looan is approved". Sadly, I have received both of those multiple times. Who is stupid enough to reply to them? Frankly, if you are willing to deal with people who don't spell-check in a business environment...you get what you deserve. I don't care if people don't spell check on stuff like this...but trying to hire someone? Get a clue. Or perhaps I should say...get a clew.

vivavavoom said...

hee hee. those are great. I should check out craigslist here and post some.I will steal/borrow your idea.

#1.Exotic dancer needed
"Lodging possible (or possable) is code for here is the couch when you pass out.
#2. Fastpaced Sales Office = McDonalds. You even get your own register/office
#3.Scary to think she is so desperate for daycare that she is willing to give her kids to someone who writes a great letter about themselves with their desired salary. No background check, nada. I hear Michael Jackson is looking for work.
#4. My guess, just like Hooters, is that the haircuts are not the draw to that place. (although I have heard that Hooters Buffalo Wings are very tasty.)

JLee said...

Are you bored or what? hahha
People amaze me sometimes. And not in a good way ;)

Riot Kitty said...

No, not bored! I just found these in a few minutes...

Viva: Go for it! You are hilarious.

Foster Communications said...

Oh. My. God. My friend sent me an email today saying she was selling her couch and wondered if I wanted to buy it. I wasn't going to click it because I don't need a couch but when I did, ack, ew, ick, it was a craigslist ad for a homemade couch that looked like a vagina! Soooo gross.

Craigslist scares me...

Riot Kitty said...

Jessica: I saw that ad! I thought it was hilarious, but nothing I'd want in my house...