Wednesday, November 29, 2006

A rant about former coworkers

I had a conversation that involved some of you today, and I realized that I've delayed far too long in saying these two words, if only on my blog: you SUCK.

The most recent two: both men. You two are probably hung like fruit flies. And I'm sure you're sleeping together. Nothing else explains why one of you, an unemployable ignorant asshole with a penchant for racial and homophobic slurs and a single-digit IQ, is moving higher up the company food chain, although you probably have a brain even smaller than your dick, and the other one of you is promoting him and praising him to the skies for being able to tie his shoes in the morning (although they're probably velcro.)

You were probably a spoiled little boy who grew up into a spoiled little man. Not a day goes by when I don't kiss my toes that I don't have to hear you say, "I'm proud of myself!" You can't handle it when your employees do well because you aren't mature enough. If you were smarter, you'd realize how valuable they are; instead, you feel threatened and get snuggly with someone who should have stayed on the island of Yap. I hope someone takes pictures of you and posts them on the Internet. But then, you probably already subscribe to those sites.

To the other former coworker: Fuck you for complaining to HR that I said "fuck" too much, when you said it just as much as I did, and so did half the newroom! And fuck you for making shit up, like that I screamed it on the phone. Maybe if you'd spent more time getting fucked you'd be more relaxed and not such a snotty little bitch.

But you know what? You're stuck in a small town and you gained 40 pounds when you quit smoking, so I suppose you're not too happy. Not that I want you to be unhappy. I just believe in karma.

And to the former coworkers who said, without having seen my resume or clips, that I got hired at my first newspaper job because I was young and cute - well, you deserved it when I flashed you when no one was looking and you couldn't get up from your desks. You guys never bothered me again, did you? :)


Darth Weasel said...

well put. and smurfing hilarious, by the by

leftcoastbob said...

You? Dropping F-bombs? Tell me it's not true!