Tuesday, January 24, 2017

The winter of my discontent

Sorry for the absence. I've been drowing in snow and interesting dates. I will visit your blogs very soon!

I must ask, is it so much to want to meet at guy who doesn't want to pee on me, or want me to call him Daddy?

So anyhow...our area got socked with more than a foot of snow in one day about 10 days ago. To give you an idea of how unprepared we were, we typically average four inches of snow in a winter.
Things I have learned regarding snow in Oregon:

1. If you share a driveway with neighbors who have four-wheel drive, they have no fucks to give, and no impetus not to create PILES of snow that trap your car.

2. It's good to have a shovel. I own one now.

3. Shoveling snow is a hell of a workout! And it impresses people. One friend from the Midwest said I was a badass...another asked if I stretched first...and another sent me a text warning me of potential muscle, back and heart damage. I told him that I merely shoveled the driveway, I didn't fuck it.

 Things I have learned about dating as a 40-year-old:

1. "I want to be exclusive" right away = "I am needy as fuck and I want to smother you."

2. "I've gotten kinkier as I've gotten older" = "Please pee on me."

3. "Do you want to get married again?" = "I can't be alone. Ever!"

And, most recently, 4. "I just met this girl I'm going to be focusing on" = "She slept with me on the first date and you wouldn't."

For those of you who are single... you're welcome ;)

17 comments:

Elephant's Child said...

Sigh on the dating front.
I assume that somewhere there is a guy who has horror stories to match yours. Hopefully you will connect.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Here's some stats from my own experience:

Shoulder injuries from shoveling snow = 1
Shoulder injuries from sex = 0

I rest my case.

Birdie said...

My uncle actually had a heart attack shovelling snow. Something to do with exertion and cold temperatures.

Where are you meeting these people?

Blue Grumpster said...

Now, let's see... is it so much to want to meet at guy who doesn't want to pee on me, or want me to call him Daddy? Well, that all depends on who you're asking. I guess some folks out there think pee sex and sex pee is the norm or that it should be. Damn, Kitty... where do you find those losers?

P.S. Does fucking snow potentially give a person muscle, back and heart damage? Now you're telling me?

Granny Annie said...

Ever thought about giving up walking on the street in short skirts at midnight when looking for Mr. Right?

Abby said...

Glad to see you've dug out.
My only advice is: Put your knees into it, and don't overdress.
Regarding snow shoveling, that is. Might work for dating?

Snaggle Tooth said...

Neighbors are a pain always with the driveway snow. Too many lazy folks where I am now. Shoveling either keeps you fit or kills you-think it's all in the speed you do it n if it is too soggy.
Tg it melted! Yep the guy thing is so true! They are all weird when older. I haven't found any good ones in a long time! N I'm all the way across the country! Wth
just buy your own candy ...

LL Cool Joe said...

God I didn't know you can have a heart attack shovelling snow? I'll go for the sex instead then.

Lee said...

I love being single and have no desire to be otherwise. I've love my "aloneness"...but, that's just the way I am...I don't expect others to feel as I do...that is why I don't bother with them...simple! :)

And I love that I don't have to try to shovel through the snow, too. There's enough bullshit around to shovel through! lol

Take good care, RK. :)

Lynn said...

Ugh - I hate dating, so never do it. Yes - many of them want you to take care of them. No way.

G. B. Miller said...

I don't shovel. I just drive in the crap. Before getting married, I think I went on a dozen dates in four years. Once you're attached to the hip with someone, it stops being called "dating". It ain't called marriage, but it falls somewhere in between.

Sometimes, being happily single is a good thing.:D

Charles Gramlich said...

Shudders at the "Dating Scene"

HBF said...

Heart attack shoveling snow?! Yikes! Shoveling snow at all... no thanks. The Puget Sound is pretty good for avoiding that type of thing, but the ice can be quite devious!

I hope you find someone just kinky enough soon :oD

Jono said...

I need to screen your dates. Snow shoveling is considered to be a major hobby for 5 months of the year in these parts, but I want a different hobby.

CraveCute said...

Can't believe Granny Annie said that! Hahahha! You got all our snow, we are almost snowless right now.

Senorita said...

"I shoveled a driveway, I didn't fuck it" Ahahahahahaha! Wonder if any of the lovely men you've had the displeasure of chatting with in the dating world would ever try something like that?

A Beer For The Shower said...

Don't rule it out; one day you'll find your special Pee Daddy. He's out there right now, waiting to smother you (in love... and in pee).

I've already told the wife that if she dies or divorces me that that's it, no more. I will accept a slow descent into catladydom, but I refuse to date again. I just can't. Especially after hearing all of your horror stories.