Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Call in the goats, after we solve our dildo epidemic...

Sorry about the absence, with Mr. RK in Asia on business I've had my hands full keeping up. Luckily I have a helpful sibling staying with me. I promise I will visit your blogs soon!

After the last post about the ridiculousness of (halfassedly) legalizing marijuana here, I thought I'd offer a few other choice tidbits that you could see on an episode of Portlandia, and they'd be true!

#1 - Call in the goats! What to do with invasive plants? Click on this picture for details.
The funny thing is that this is a pretty redneck county - only in Oregon would you have rednecks calling for environmentally friendly solutions to noxious weeds. (Question for gardeners: what are non-noxious weeds?) This county has two reasonable people and three Tea party nuts (wait, that's redundant) on its board of commissioners. I had to seat two of the commissioners separately at a work event because one of them had threatened, at a public meeting, to assault the other. True story.
#2 - Portland's dildo epidemic, hanging from a power line near you.
Every week or so, I send family in other parts of the country an "only in Portland" story. You can't help but read a story whose headline is "Woman says she is responsible for hundreds of sex toys dangling from Portland power lines." Funny thing about how she got them - she says "friends" amassed about 10,000 "defective" sex toys. HOW?! AND HOW MANY FRIENDS?! Inquiring minds want to know, and the article doesn't say, damn it. You talk about irresponsible journalism.

#3 - I want my fetish title back, and I'll sue!
Ditto with a headline that reads, "Ms. Oregon State Leather, stripped of sexual fetish title, wants it back, plus $100,000." My dad said, "Well, let her prove that she deserves it! (Here's a link to the story. It's clean.) I'd love to be the attorney representing her - or at least hear the oral arguments. No pun intended.

Anything going on unique to your neck of the woods?

19 comments:

Elephant's Child said...

Perhaps the people who say that my city is duller than ditchwater are right. I can think of nothing to compare with these gems...

OldLady Of The Hills said...

LOL, LOL......No. Los Angeles seems quite tame after reading those stories.....I'm so happy to know L.A. is not alone in it's often Bizarre happenings........!

Rock Chef said...

I had heard about gangs marking territory by hanging trainers from overhead lines. I thought this was a new version of that?

Goats are very underrated - we need more of them around!

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Goats, dildos and leather -- it's a party!

Abby said...

Actually, the goat thing is pretty popular around these parts. We have weeds, goats eat anything, everyone's happy! Really, it's great for fire mitigation and cheese. I should've been a goat farmer.

I'm still laughing at Rock Chef's take on the dangling dildos..

And Portland has a gay and lesbian sexual fetish group?? Oh well, sounds to me like Ms. Leather has a pretty good case!

Birdie said...

I live in the Pacific Northwest and we have goats hired to get rid of weeds. Most weed killers are banned which I think is a good thing in most cases with the exception of hogweed and a few other really dangerous ones.

Oral arguments! Yeah, that was an intended pun. :-)

Lynn said...

Nothing as fun as that! :) But a friend's church hired sheep to get rid of their weeds.

My niece, who lives in Portland, has bought a bus to live in. She says that is a big thing there.

LL Cool Joe said...

I got the impression from the article that the woman found the dildo hanging more hilarious than anyone else. My first question wouldn't be how, but why.

Granny Annie said...

Dear RK, you are a hoot and a half! I only know about shoes hanging over power lines and have been told that is a sign of where drug sales will take place. Don't want to think what will take place under hanging dildos. What is going on around me....nothing! LOL

Charles Gramlich said...

I'm afraid your local wins!

Senorita said...

Have you witnessed any hanging sex toys on powerlines in your area ? Why isn't this happening here in my state ?

A Beer For The Shower said...

In our old hometown, people rent out their goats to mow people's lawns. Like, when you have an acre full of foot tall grass sometimes it's just easier to let a small army of goats eat it. It's seriously a legitimate (and thriving) business here.

I mean, think about that. There are goats more successful than I am.

Lee said...

Steely Dan could sue that woman!

G. B. Miller said...

And people often say I don't play with a full deck. Perhaps I should move out there, where I can be one with those pesky Tea Party Republicans, eh?

Oh wait.

I'm a guv'ment employee.

Perhaps I can be one with your state guv'ment. After all, we have both have the same crybabies running our respective state into the ground, eh?

Blue Grumpster said...

The oral arguments... I was thinking the exact same thing.

Hey, here I am! How are you doing?

klahanie said...

Apologies for my highly anticipated yet late arrival :)

You've goat to be kidding! :)

"Neck of the woods?" What's with that expression, I wonder. What's next, "elbow of the forest?"

I'm going now....

Gary

Ileana said...

You made me crack up with your "irresponsible journalism" comment...and btw, I agree. lol

As for my neck of the woods, it's all rain...and I found this headline from Lee County, Florida: "Man chews off his own fingerprints in an attempt to not be identified by police"

You have some competition when it comes to wacky news stories, amiga. This is just one of many I could share with you.

CraveCute said...

Oregon must be an interesting place to live!

Claire said...

It's been too long since I've check in (ending job, honeymoon). This post is classic you, RK!