Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Staggering genius

You know I love my job and more importantly, the cause we work for.

You know what I love even more? You fellow blogging buddies, because you will read my rants when it gets near event time! The event is Sunday. I am getting bombarded by stupid until then.

Once again, I could not, would not make this stuff up. In fact, I could probably inspire a whole study about the human brain (or lack thereof, in some folks) just based on calls and emails from today. But here you go:

Caller: "We're from out of town - Salem. Where do we park?"
What I wanted to say: "Well, in the glow-in-the-dark spots, obviously."
What my friend texted: "In the witch spots, obviously. Wait - wrong Salem!"
I sent out the FAQ to our entire email list today - everyone who participated in the event last year and signed up this year. My friend, who is on the email list, emailed in response, "Hey, RK! How about I ask you questions you've already answered here, instead of reading the email? Just kidding!"

And lo and behold, not 15 minutes later, that's what someone did.

First she called our office. Then she called a county chapter's executive director. Then she emailed me. All of the questions had been answered verbatim in the email she said she read before calling and emailing.

Example: "The FAQ says team captains can turn in money for the entire team. So if one of my team members gives me money, and I'm the captain, I can turn it in for her?"

No, sunshine, you should eat it. 
Before you think I'm an uber bitch, please keep in mind that 1. I have no assistant, 2. this event has 4,000 people, and 3. I've already sent out all of the information, as well as posted it in multiple places, that people are asking about.

But the one that actually made me laugh was sent last night. And it started with, "Good morning..."

This person said she had emailed people asking for donations during registration but forgot who she emailed. Could I let her know?

Not being a clairvoyant, not so much.

I said I had no way of tracking this, suggesting she add a line in her email apologizing if people got it twice.

She wrote back asking the same question.

I had to sit on my hands to resist the urge to type, "I'm still not psychic, but I may become so if you ask one more time, nicely."

20 comments:

Elephant's Child said...

Aaaaargh. And hiss and spit.
I will happily take some of the load from you by chanting a set of expletives (to any tune you like) on your behalf.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Keep smilin'!

Rock Chef said...

You gotta work on that psychic ability. Maybe if you sacrifice a few people...

Charles Gramlich said...

I had a faculty member email me and say: "I need a copy of the letter for my project. when can I pick it up?" First, I'd already sent him said letter, which he lost. Second, I deal with hundreds of research projects so I assign them each numbers and require that people use that number when contacting me about a project. Third, he didn't even bother to give me the name of the project. I'm on about #450 now so I just emailed him to say, I need more information. What I really wanted to do was strangle him for wasting my time

Lynn said...

Yes - apparently you need to by psychic. People can be unbelievable.

Rant away, my friend.

G. B. Miller said...

Self-Inflicted Stupidity Syndrome strikes yet again!

Causing collateral damage wherever it goes!

Can it be stopped?

One could only hope.

Many thanks for the evening chuckle, young lady!

Abby said...

Good morning, RK. Can you tell me the winning numbers for the next Powerball drawing?

Lee said...

Hahahahaha! I'm not laughing at you, RK...you know that. I'm laughing because I empathise. The world is full of them...lol

And I keep repeating myself...and here I go again...some may wonder why I live a fairly reclusive life!! I don't wonder...people...people...they are the reason and cause! lol

Mike_D said...


Sunshine? I always come up with fun derogatory nicknames: Captain Sunshine, Captain Giggles, Chuckles McFucknutt.....

Furry Bottoms said...

(Sniggering) hehe. I have missed this. I got a snarky comment in mind for that person who emailed you not knowing who she emailed. Dear, if you sent out an email you must have their addresses. So go look at your own email and stare at it until it becomes clear. That's always better than a clairvoyant!!

Ileana said...

I have to wonder what these brilliant minds are like in person...when they actually show up to an event. I wonder if they tone down stupidity when it's face to face or if it's pretty much the same everywhere. You have the patience of a Catholic priest at confession time, my friend.

LL Cool Joe said...

I've noticed this seems to be the latest trend with emails now. "Good morning" before they say something that means your morning will be far from good.

I often think you may quote something dumb I've said to you in an email one day. :D

A Beer For The Shower said...

Oh yes, I love people with dumb questions. When I worked in a call center (with over 1,000 employees) I'd love when a person would call in and say, "So I just got disconnected before I could open a trouble ticket, and I don't know who I talked to, but maybe you can put me back through to them?" Yes, I know exactly which of the 1,000 people here you just talked to. Let me put you right through.

Blue Grumpster said...

You're not an uber bitch... but your rants sure are more impressive (and ranty) than mine. We need a special remote to switch off stupidity. Yes?

CraveCute said...

I've decided that my emails will only consist of two short sentences. No one ever reads anything longer than that, I swear!

I love what you wrote ...
"I'm still not psychic, but I may become so if you ask one more time, nicely." hahahaha

Betty Manousos said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Betty Manousos said...

i empathize..why are so many people socially dumb? lol

and i love your rants! you have a great sense of humor my friend.

happy memorial day weekend!
big hugs!

Senorita said...

I am back to stalketh your blog. Boy have I missed you ! Lately I have wanted to take the phone that I answer and beat people over the head with it.

blogoratti said...

That psychic ability would be really nice. But I digress...

Granny Annie said...

Just repeat over, "Here we go again. Here we go again. Here we go again."