Monday, January 05, 2015

Things I think loudly

One of Mr. RK's most endearing traits is that he comes up with adorable things to say. Clever and cute at the same time.

One of them is, "I didn't say it - I just thought it really loudly," which is usually preceded by an amazingly clever insult. (Although another one of his lovable traits is his ability to insult people without them knowing it.)

For better or for worse, I am in charge of an additional event every other year which involves setting up meetings between legislators and our members. You know me: I am organized. I put the "O" in OCD! I plan ahead. Has that stopped the idiots from coloring outside of the lines? Of course not.


Here is the stock email I have been sending to our local chapters since registration for the event opened:

Please help us get the word out to membership as soon as possible, as the registration deadline is Jan. 18, and legislators' calendars fill quickly.

Actual email I received today from an employee of one of said chapters:

Hello, RK! I wanted to let you know that we're doing two informational sessions in preparation for your event. The first one will be on Jan. 17, where we'll inform people and help them register.

I shit you not. I wrote back:

You will want to have people register much earlier - we'll more than likely be full by that date.

I thought very loudly:

Two informational sessions to prepare for one half-day event - which includes an informational session? Wow, you must be burning with brilliance to have to do that much prep! Seriously, it's a gathering at the state capitol. Not a rocket launch. And letting people know the day before? How exactly do you manage to tie your shoes in the morning?
This person wrote back:

Oh, we're having that event to inform people who don't know about the organization, and get them registered.

I thought loudly:

Brilliance strikes again! Rather than rally our current members, somehow you plan to attract complete strangers and sign them up for our event. That is quite clever. Why don't we just invite another advocacy group and make appointments for them to argue their cause?

Then there is the lobbyist who hasn't been a member for eight years who registered.

Loud thought: Seriously? Isn't that your fucking job, to meet with legislators? You get paid for that already, right? So you shouldn't have to sign up to have a nonprofit do it for you?

Actual email to lobbyist:

Dear so-and-so, thank you for your interest in our event. To complete your registration, we'll need you to renew your membership, which lapsed in 2007. Thanks!

Sometimes I don't know how I zip my lips. Luckily I have you all to vent to.

19 comments:

Elephant's Child said...

Sometimes my loud thoughts necessitate the washing out of my mouth with soap and water. If anyone dares.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Sometimes all you can do is shake your head. And drink.

Lynn said...

Those people seem to be in la la land. :)

A Beer For The Shower said...

On the plus side, by you being constantly pestered by stupid people, we the reader get to be highly entertained. It's worth it... right?

Abby said...

Sometimes I worry about my actual thoughts leaking out my mouth. Vent away!

Charles Gramlich said...

Egads

OldLady Of The Hills said...

It feels like people are getting wonkier and wonkier....!! It makes you want to just throw in the towel.....! I'm glad you have us to vent to. Sending you Big Hugs, my dear, and a Very Very Happy 2015 to you and Mr. RK!

ditchingthedog said...

Here is one for you. Yesterday at work I had to work overtime (didn't want to do it) because one of our employees didn't bring change for the parking meter and needed to leave early. I had to go and cover the rest of her shift. Incidentally, I found a space to park for free. When I relieved her I let her know that I carry change in my work bag. "That's a good idea."

Vanessa Morgan said...

Whenever I read your posts, I'm thinking you should do stand-up comedy. This type of speech would fit perfectly ;-)

Lee said...

I've meaning to ask you for ages, RK...do you have any hair left?

Idiots procreate and multiply faster than rabbits! I'm sure you are already aware of that, though. :)

G. B. Miller said...

The first pic is absolutely priceless.

I can see that "ignorance is bliss" is alive and well and living in the suburbs.

Father Nature's Corner

Rock Chef said...

Happy New Year - I see that some things have not changed for you! :-)

Granny Annie said...

Best advice from Debra..."Shake your head and drink." LOL

CraveCute said...

Seriously? I loudly think that people are getting dumber! Also, thanks for stopping by my little blog home. I also loudly think that your parents are wondering why they moved to Minnesota .. -40 degree wind chill.... :O

Ileana said...

Your cat images say it all. WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??

agg79 said...

Wow. I find amazing how you don't run over there and stick some of those people with a fork. Stupid seems to run rampant with those people.

We have an expression we use when we tend to insult people. You can say anything you want as long as it is followed with "Bless Your Heart". That makes it ok.

LL Cool Joe said...

Zipping lips is still something I'm trying hard to master. What would we all do without our blogs? That second image cracked me up.

Furry Bottoms said...

Yes, everything is so much better with furry little people. Er I mean animals like cats and dogs. I love coming to your blog. I learn a lot of new things to say to express myself accordingly. Thank you for that! :)

klahanie said...

And what can I say? I loudly think that dogs and okay, cats, would make better pawliticians and excellent lobbyists....

On behalf of Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar, her mere human,

Gary :)