Monday, January 12, 2015

An open (whiny) letter to (the bastards at) Netflix

Dear (bastards at) Netflix,

One of my younger brothers sent me a news item today stating that your contracts with the BBC were about to expire, and unless you got your shit together in a major hurry, there would be no more BBC for me.

I protest on behalf of the millions of Anglophiles, both public and closeted, who rely on this service to watch shows that are both intelligent and free of the crappy commercials that plague regular TV. How can you deprive me thus?
To whit - perhaps you (bastards) have never seen an American television show. You don't know how hopelessly least-common-denominator they are. I don't know what's more insulting to the intelligence of anyone who has any; the shows themselves and the commercials are probably running a dead heat in the appeal to idiocy competition that U.S. commercial television networks have been running for at least several decades now.

I mean, come on. We don't have murder mysteries that don't resemble something out of the Friday the 13th or Saw series of movies, or have multi-syllabic dialogue.

We don't have the same 12 actors appearing in everything, thus creating a fun, steady brainteaser of, "Where have we seen her before?", resulting in much puzzling and the eventual give-up move of using IMDB.

We don't show men's asses nearly as much. At least not the ones we would want to see.

We don't have characters that agonize for seasons at a time over whether or not they should ask each other out on dates. Come on, people! Some of us need that thrill of sitting on the edge of the couch yelling, "Just kiss him already!!"

We don't have any actors that are allowed to age like real people. We have to turn to Europe for that.

Besides...Matthew Rhys. Julian Rhind-Tutt. Well, forget about eye candy. Jean and Lionel! Hyacinth Bucket!

Not enough? OK, two words: Dr. Who.

So, I am forced to cry, and look for alternatives that I never would have considered before - namely, your rivals. Who may or may not be user friendly.

I'm asking you please, please, please, from the bottom of my spotted dick-loving heart, keep Britain in America! Until then, I'm pissed (as in American pissed - angry, not drunk.)

Sincerely,

Riot Kitty

24 comments:

ditchingthedog said...

Bucket? Bouquet!

I love BBC.

Elephant's Child said...

The BBC rocks. Too much of our home grown telebision follows in your example.
Love Hyacinth Bucket - and have you ever seen Waiting For God? Track it down if you can.

Rock Chef said...

Yes, we definitely do things differently over here. I do enjoy some US shows (Game of Thrones, Walking Dead), but find a lot of it very dull.

I do love the way that the English are protrayed in the US. Women tend to be from posh families with large estates in Buckinghamshire, while the guys tend to be from the East end of London, lovable rogues. Guess it all started with Mary Poppins?

Anyway, I hope they see sense - I have actually started watching Dr Who again. I like the latest doctor, IMO the best since Tom Baker. I guess there are a lot of similarities, come to think of it!

Rock Chef said...

Waiting for God! Haven't seen that in a long time, but that was indeed a great series. Showed real old people!

agg79 said...

I always rely upon the BBC channel for my Doctor fix. That and Top Gear. Miles above most anything we have over here (except for TWD and GoT). I do enjoy House of Cards, but we stole that from the BBC.

Granny Annie said...

If we could not see British television and view British movies on Netflix there would be NOTHING worth watching. Our illustrious Hollywood has lost the ability to recognize a good script and all they can do is revise old ones and place famous actors here and there for motion shots that are very boring. I love the Brits!!!

Lynn said...

My current favorite BBC show is Last Tango in Halifax. Have you seen that one? It's in its third season now and is so good! I get it from Netflix - I'm a little alarmed at this Netflix news.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

When Brit TV is good, it is very good indeed. But when it's bad, it can suck big time.

P.S. I fucking love Tom Hiddleston too!

Charles Gramlich said...

it seems appropriate. :)

Mike_D said...


Hear, hear!

And you said spotted dick...

Jay said...

Oh, I feel for you.

But as Debra She Who Seeks says, much of our TV is also now Lowest Common Denominator garbage. When it's good, it's great, but there is a lot of dross.

When we are in the US, we don't usually watch TV because it's usually worse than ours, but a couple of years back we were sharing a condo with several other couples in Delaware and some of them wanted to watch a show that had been running some time and which they told us was hilarious. They couldn't even tell us about it for laughing. Our hearts sank, but we resigned ourselves to secret cringing .. and then they turned on 'The Big Bang Theory' and we were hooked in 30 seconds flat. Can't wait for the next series!

Abby said...

Oh NO! Say it isn't so! I can't stand American TV, I only watch BBC shows. And I'm with Lynn, I got hooked on Last Tango in Hallifax over winter break. Season 3 just started!

Dexter Klemperer said...

Unfortunately this is going to keep happening with these tv providers. While a Directv customer, they took the Daily Show away from me for a few weeks. Switched to cable and then they took it away from me. Finally cut the cord so I can watch what I want when I want. I guess Hulu will take it away from me next.

CraveCute said...

We have DirecTV which is great but ours cost a bunch. Don't touch my Downton Abbey!

G. B. Miller said...

I don't watch much BBC and the last time that I did, I watched a very lame spin-off of Law & Order.

Overall though, I will admit that most UK t.v. series (and I'm talking from the late 80's going forward) are 100 times better than most of the US stuff.

Father Nature's Corner

Lee said...

Even though I've seen them all before...presently I am again watching the re-runs of "Waking the Dead", "Inspector George Gently" and "Judge John Deed". I love these shows; and I love Martin Shaw in whatever he's in...even his pajamas!

Lee said...

And I do so love Jean and Lionel...what a wonderful show!

Holland said...

I grew up with BBC (although a snowy version as cable didn't exist and we caught it via the antenna if the weather was good for it) and BBC programs helped me keep my sanity here.. especially the ones on Netflix. So if they stop... will I turn raving mad???

A Beer For The Shower said...

I love the BBC. And Doctor Who. And if Netflix is going to take it away, don't worry, I'll get it elsewhere.

Netflix keeps losing movies. And shows. Pretty soon, they're gonna lose my business.

Shammickite said...

I've never watched Netflix here in Canada. And I never ever watch American rubbish TV shows, unless I can help it. I just watch British shows.... must be cos I was brung up there.

Ileana said...

Angry not drunk...I love how you ended this post. Not that I love that you're pissed, pero ya tú sabes.

I hear you, although I don't follow those shows. Hope you never have to move across the pond for home entertainment. You can always move to Miami and watch the South American novelas with me. :)

Vanessa Morgan said...

Luckily, we don't rely on Netflix to watch BBC here in Belgium. It has always been available to us. There are some really good shows there that are hardly known outside of England. The last one I watched was Black Mirror.

LL Cool Joe said...

I'm a Brit, and my partner used to work for the BBC and yet I never watch it. Haven't for years, but when I did I loved all the British comedies. Timeless.

Snowbrush said...

Your illustrations are delightful. I think it's probably easier to do comic illustrations with cats than with dogs because cats take themselves so much more seriously.