Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Meme theme: annoyance

Well, what else?

I thought of this on the way home. There are far too many annoyances to write about in just one post (or even one blog, although I'm working on it), so why not make it a meme theme?

1. Mail: Even my cat is getting better mail than me. I get soft core porn from Victoria's Secret and offers to trade in the car I just got a couple of years ago; he gets turkey-flavored Xanax. With the package addressed to HIM!
2. Cars plastered with bumper stickers that are ads for hobbies that other people have, and it's not enough that they have them, but they want you to have them too! I don't give a fuck if you'd rather be playing the accordion or doing an ultra marathon. (Side note: I saw a sticker that I loved the other day. It said: "28.4: I got lost.")

3. While we're on the subject of traffic, people with stickers/icons/charms that would make you think they're kind or mellow or socially aware - e.g. a cross, or love mother Earth stuff - who then proceed to drive like assholes. (Yes, lady in the Toyota with a Rosary dangling from your mirror who sped up and tried to cut me off this afternoon, I mean YOU.)

4. People who DON'T READ THEIR FUCKING EMAIL. Specifically ones who you reply to, and then they ask the question you just answered in the reply. I think there are hamsters who would do better than that.

5. People who, when asked to look out for individuals or businesses who may want to buy tickets or tables at a FUNDRAISER, proceed to give you lists of all of the highly-paid professionals they want you to invite to come for free. (Yes. Really. Refer to hamsters.)
6. Heat. When I moved to the Northwest, I was told, "80 degrees is a REALLY hot day!" Apparently that's true if you live in Alaska. We're currently under 90 and I'm fucking grateful, because the AC in our old building at work can't keep up.

7. Slumlords. The prick who owns our building won't return calls about getting the light fixtures replaced so my volunteers aren't typing in the dim, but he comes in and installs a lockbox on the thermostat downstairs.

8. Ass kissers. Particularly those who have been harassing you recently, and then get called on it, and suddenly act like you're the best thing since lubricated condoms.

9. Corporate schmucks. Is that redundant? Why not tell your staff that they may get a whole extra week's pay (taxed, of course) as a bonus at the end of the year, while you hand out six figure bonuses to your executives? This is why I work at a nonprofit. I can deal with the slumlord, as long as I'm not making money for him.
10. Cheese. I ask you, why do you have to tempt and beckon and taste SO FUCKING GOOD when I am trying to be a vegan, and also have a mild allergy?

So how about you? Is there a meme in your future?

25 comments:

Elephant's Child said...

This is a meme I am not going to run with because I would wear my grumpy fingers down to nubs.

Love your annoyances.

Re bumper stickers: A drug dealer of my acquaintance told me that he had put the Christian fish symbol on his car to discourage police attention. As a result to this day (more than thirty years later) when we see that symbol on a car we say 'drug dealer ahead'.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

My cat HRH never got mail! Are you sure that Mandrake isn't signing up for stuff on the internet? While HRH never got mail, she ALWAYS got more and better xmas presents than I did. She cleaned up like a bandit every year.

Dexter Klemperer said...

People that don't listen. I was on a 6:00 a.m. flight the other day, flight attendant announces on intercom that "we will be serving apple juice, orange juice, coffee or water."
I'm desperately trying to get some sleep. As cart comes down aisle, I hear at least 5 times, "No sir/ma'am, we only have orange juice, apple juice, coffee or water."
So I gave up on sleep and asked for a Dr. Pepper.

Furry Bottoms said...

Annoyance button, I love that! I should do a meme. I have really been lagging in the blogging department. Not because I don't want to blog, but because I am SO bored I don't know what to say.

And you are grateful it is 90 degrees?! Or you are grateful it is UNDER 90 degrees? Your slumlord really is an asshole, sheesh.

Mike_D said...

What does the 28.4 thing refer to?

My annoyances include bicyclists who think they own the whole road, mean customers/patrons, and commercials....

OldLady Of The Hills said...

I LOVE the Annoyance Button. A perfect description of something just waiting to explode....! The world is going to Hell in a Hand Basket, as the old saying goes.....

Both "SWEETIE" and "MOONEY" (My darling before Sweetie got offers to have a Credit Card!!!! I'm not kidding. I could never figure out how these Banks got their name and address. The Vet???
Talk about 'round the bend......

lgsquirrel said...

I am a Christian but I don't put any Christian bumper stickers on my car for the very reason that I don't want my bad driving to reflect badly on God.

Honk if you like CHeeeeseee!

Lee said...

Where do I start? One of my grievances - a most annoying one - is receiving email after email offering me advice about how to lengthen my penis and also the emails about helping me with my "performance"!

I am woman, hear me roar!!

My list of grievances would probably fill a phone book...so I'll let you off the hook and won't list them! :)

Abby said...

Your annoyances are SO fun!
I'm with you on the bumper stickers, what is WITH that?? Although I saw one said, "0.0, I don't run", but I think I like the "28.4" one better.
And I particularly like your use of metaphor in #8.

Snaggle Tooth said...

Obviously blogs were made for venting annoyances... prob no meme for me this summer.

Good list- Hate the idiot road-rage christian advertisers too!
At least when I'm being an idiot. I admit it.

If I got a bonus, all my stuff would get fixed... instead of forever back-logging. My landlord does nada. I have to do n pay for all- n I don't have time working nights unless I don't sleep my 6 hours.

If your cat starts ordering lingerie let us know!

Lynn said...

Your cat seriously got unsolicited turkey flavored Xanax in the mail???

Claire said...

Poppet is jealous of your cat's mail.

Scarlet said...

I'm so with you on #3...it's always the "Honk if you love Jesus" people that flip you off in traffic, cut you off and express extreme road rage. WWJD? Not that, that's for damn sure! Or is it damned sure? What's the rule, Chica??

Betty Manousos said...

what fun annoyances! your lol cats made me laugh.
happy weekend~


i linked to you today!

xo

Charles Gramlich said...

A solid list of peeves!

Riot Kitty said...

EC: I am now thinking that every time I see a fishie.
Debra: You know, I'm starting to wonder if he has my credit card...
Dexter: LMAO! I'll bet you did ;)
Furry: Grateful it is under 90 outside, because it will feel that hot inside after a few days. Yeah, he is an asshole.
Mikey: Marathoners have 26.2 stickers (if they choose), so that person...well, you get it.
Naomi: OMG! Well, be careful if you get any new statements in the mail...
LG: That is hilarious, actually.
Lee: Do you happen to have Yahoo email? I keep getting those too! Come to think of it, I also get them at work. Do they think we have penis envy, and the penis we want STILL isn't big enough?
Abby: Why, thank you! I like 0.0 too.
Snaggle: Will do. Now I'm getting some scary mental pics.
Lynn: It was from a prescription, but still hilarious that he received it himself. I mean...he is a CAT as far as I know.
Claire: I'm sure he could send her something :)
Scarlet: No idea!
Betty: Thank you!
Charles: A mere sprinkle on the ice cream sundae I could build.

Granny Annie said...

Even with your explanation, I still do not get the 28.4 thing. That really annoys me:) lol

My meme would simply say: CALIFORNIA HERE I COME!!!!!

Blue Grumpster said...

Now, let's see... soft core porn from Victoria's Secret or turkey-flavored Xanax... I have to be honest, that's a tough one. I hate asskissers and can spot - smell - them a mile away.

G. B. Miller said...

And....my meme would be so long and so full of vitriol that I would spend months and months trying to live it down.

Or live it up.

Father Nature's Corner

A Beer For The Shower said...

Yeah, someone already mentioned it, but I love that 0.0 sticker. And that whole marathon bumper sticker thing reminds me of a great joke.

Q: How do you know someone's a marathon runner?
A: DON'T WORRY, THEY'LL FUCKING TELL YOU ANY CHANCE THEY GET.

Riot Kitty said...

GA: The idea is that they ran more than the length of the marathon because they got lost... :)
Blue: Tough call, isn't it!
GB: I hear you. There isn't enough space for mine, either!
ABFTS: Not a joke, really!

Vanessa Morgan said...

I'm also trying to be vegan. And just like you, cheese is the only thing that's hurting my efforts :-(

DWei said...

Receiving soft-core porn in the mail? I see no problem with that.

Also, because I'm kind of an asshole I'm tempted to get someone to mail you cheese until you stop being a vegan. <3

Oh, and I responded to your question.

Riot Kitty said...

Vanessa: It's soooo hard!
DW: I see. I suggest you wait until it's not 90 degrees outside. Just sayin'.

My Girl Murphy said...

Cheese. Fantastically tasty tool of the devil. Luckily, I've discovered cashew cream cheese which is tasty and of a lesser demon.

Unasked for recipe: Soak 2 cups of cashews for a couple hours. Blend them up with 1 or 2 T of lemon juice and 1 T of coconut oil, and 1/4 c sweetener of your choice (or not). So. Dang. Good.