Saturday, May 03, 2014

Two cats and an octopus and the post office

I hate writer's block. I don't have it here - there is always plenty to rant about, and as you may have guessed, I'm never short of opinions. But I've been trying to finish Chapter 6 of the new children's book I have been working on and I am stumped as to how to complete a chapter.

This has been the most difficult piece of writing in my life, and it's about two cats and an octopus.

Mind you, I have done investigative reporting. I have done marketing and PR writing. I have written everything from political profiles to stories about, literally, the weather, and glow fish (sometimes you have to fill the paper.) But I can't craft a chapter in a book for middle grade readers to save my life. 

How embarrassing is that? And until I finish that chapter, I can't move on to the next. I just don't write that way. So expect plenty more posts about the idiocy from the outside world. There's never a shortage of that.

These days, I'm feeling more and more like Tardar Sauce is my alter ego. Sometimes it just comes on, like a cold. Today for instance - at the post office, in line behind two people, one of whom was clever enough to stuff a package EXACTLY the size of the package slot and get it stuck. (He had help from a complete stranger wedging it out...that had to be embarrassing.)
The next woman, rather than come during business hours and buy 400 stamps, proceeds to print them out 10 at a time from the automated machine.

Again, I wonder how these people get up and tie shoes in the morning and make it through the day. Then again, she was on crutches. Maybe tying shoes was a problem? (I know, I'm going straight to hell.)

20 comments:

Ragdoll Mommy said...

Your cat pics made me laugh, though it wasn't AS funny as the "joke" you wrote about the lady. I'm not gonna lie, but that was kinda mean, but also FUNNY as shit!!! If I had to pee right now, I would have done so in my pants. You're hilarious.

Elephant's Child said...

You won't be alone in hell. And will recognise most of us...

Abby said...

Ah, it's too bad that you can't put Grumpy cat in your book for third graders.

LL Cool Joe said...

What you make fun of a woman on crutches and then expect me to feel sorry for you about your writers block!


:D I'll pray for you in church today. ;)

Blue Grumpster said...

Heaven's out of business. Don't you remember my latest piece of blueart? Anytooters, a writer's block is never embarrassing. It's just plain annoying. A cat has seven lives but the octopus trying to eat it has eight arms. Just trying to help.No.... please.... not the machine gun.

Ileana said...

That last kitty sums it all up...and I am excited to know a bit more about your second book, although I may have missed some things in one of your posts. You will get through it and send me the Amazon link before you know it; I have faith in you, amiguita. xo

Charles Gramlich said...

After dealing with final grading issues and having to pursue students to get them to turn stuff in so they could get at least a "C" in my classes I feel much the same as you.

OldLady Of The Hills said...

LOL, LOL....LOVE all the pictures....Your experience at the Post Office just tells us how nutsy-cookoo people are these days....! And I include myself in this group.....!
I hope and pray your "block" on that chapter clears right out and that your writing flows, once again....!

Lee said...

Just put a full stop at the end of it. And then you'll leave everyone wondering what point they've missed and they'll have to re-read it, and/or discuss it with others; and then those others will have to buy the book to find out for themselves and so on.

A full stop will do the trick! ;)

Claire said...

Grumpy Cat for president, say I.

G. B. Miller said...

Yeah, you know your day has gone six feet under when you're quoting/emulating Tartar Sauce.

Don't get me started on the USPS as I have a extremely low tolerance for stupid (not the staff, the customers).

Oh and the writer's block? Yeah, well, welcome to my world. Also, writing linear works for me as well. Good luck on the two cats and the octopus, I'm sure you'll do fine, although maybe you should start from the beginning and rewrite featuring someone else.

Father Nature's Corner

Lynn said...

The lol cats are perfect! As for the writers block - maybe you will wake up in the middle of the night, when you are extra relaxed, and the words will come to you.

Furry Bottoms said...

AH, hell that was funny! :) How does an octopus figure in a story with two cats? That in itself is already interesting. Does the octopus get to wiggle the kitties around in its tentacles?

Furry Bottoms said...

Elephant's Child has a very good point. We'll just meet you there.

A Beer For The Shower said...

I'm a grumpy old man disguised as a youngish guy, so I know the feeling. And we all get writer's block from time to time. It'll pass. Just don't let it frustrate you. Does the octopus have a top hat and monocle? Because I feel like he could benefit from this, regardless of whether I know his actual context in the story in the slightest.

My Girl Murphy said...

I've been racking my brain trying to figure out what the hell would bring together an octopus and two cats. Were they walking into a bar, by chance?

Dexter Klemperer said...

You shouldn't be so hard on the woman; apparently she's keeping the post office in business. 400 stamps would probably last me 150 years or so.

Granny Annie said...

Just don't get confused when you are writing for children and chastise persons on crutches in your story:)

Blue Grumpster said...

Just stopping by to say MEOW!

CraveCute said...

SO funny! If people thought things through, we wouldn't have near as much to amuse our selves.. ;) Have you tried meditation or was that medication? Sometimes the auto correct is funnier!