The rant you've been waiting for

Here it is. And it's also my 900th post. Yay, me! That's a lot of rants.

First off, thank you for the financial and moral support for me, my cause, and my event. A couple of people have asked where to donate. Thank you - here is the link.

Now, the fun begins. Here are some real questions I've been asked at the last minute/situations I've encountered, along with the answers I would like to have given. Oh, and after a week of gorgeous, sunny weather, it's supposed to rain - and maybe have thunderstorms - tomorrow. I can't wait until this is over.

Q: Hey, RK, I'd like to come to the event tomorrow. What do I do?
A: Well, seeing as how you had to look at a website to get my contact info - and that website also had EVERY FUCKING DETAIL ABOUT THE EVENT on it - maybe you should be more concerned about, say, successfully tying your shoes on the way there. Wait, there's velcro.

Q: Hey, RK! I will bombard you with questions even though I am admittedly not good with computers, but insisted on setting up a web page for my team and one for myself. Then I'll ignore every response you give me, and ask the question again, in hopes of getting you to do my work for me.
A: Clearly you can't read, which makes me wonder: how did you go online and set this up in the first place?

Q: Hey, RK, I heard there was a big event the same day. What are the road closures?
A: My real answer was, "Please refer to the FAQ I sent, as well as the email I sent yesterday to everyone registered to participate." My preferred but silent answer: You know what? This is the third fucking time you've asked me a question that has been answered in an email I sent you right off the bat! And the third time I've asked you to read the damn FAQ!

Q: (from the same person): Hey RK, do you provide transportation to and from your event for 50 people from my small down two hours away?
A: Unlike every other walk - most of which have much more staffing and funding than we do - why yes, we do! Would you also like breakfast in bed? What would you like your breakfast tray made out of?

Q: (To my saintly volunteer): Where is the starting line?
A: He gave her the answer. Two minutes later,  she calls back and says, "You don't know what you're talking about. Tell RK the starting line is under the bridge." Right. Six years but hey, I don't know where the starting line is for my own event. Come to think of it, it starts in the river. We'll meet you there.

Q: (Comment actually) It was too crowded last year. There were too many people and too many dogs.
A: Well, instead of trying to encourage participation and make a statement that our cause matters, I'll just ask people to stay home. Then you can have all the space you need.

Q: (Comment from the same person): The band wasn't playing when my team finished the loop last year.
A: We're so sorry about that. This year, they'll stay an extra hour and personally serenade you. How's that?

Although - I had a good vent with a buddy who does this event in another state. One of her participants really takes the cake. "There should be more trees at the event. You know, for shade."

Plant! Start planting! Plant faster!!