Wednesday, December 25, 2013

For once

I'll be serious.

All kinds of crazy shit happened last week - the kiddo ran away (don't ask me why no one figured out where he was for two days, when I finally jumped in it took me all of five minutes.) That was after two ER visits in a week because he got drunk and super sick, and I had a come-to-Jesus thought process with myself.

I was so angry that I wanted to take back all of his presents and never talk to him again, period, end of story. And maybe that would have been justifiable given all of the crap he has put so many people through.

I decided not to. I'm not going to be the one person who gives up on him, although I am going to stop this, as Mr. RK says, from "eating my life" like it has been lately. We made a deal: he sinks or he swims. I'll still love him, but I'm not going to be the one they call when he presents problems, to try to convince him to be good. He's got to do it on his own.

And tonight I realized that I made the right decision not giving up on him, for an entirely different reason.

He lives with several kids in a group home that probably have relatives who at one point considered the same thing, and made a different choice. My family and I adopted each of them for the holidays.

Tonight when I went to pick him up, I saw one of them who has been particularly troubled and has been in a home since he was an adolescent. He hardly ever sees his family, even though they are within driving distance.

He popped out and gave me a big smile and said, "RK! We went shopping for Christmas! Thank you so much!" And gave me a big hug.

To be so thankful to a relative stranger, I think, came less from the fact that he was getting presents than from the fact that someone cared. I had no idea something so small could mean so much.

I don't want the kiddo to become the person who has nobody.

It reinforced what I knew deep down: that no matter how badly we screw up,  we all need someone to love us, someone who doesn't give up. I am thankful for the people who didn't give up on me, and for the people I love who continue to love me when I struggle.

We should all be so lucky.

19 comments:

Granny Annie said...

And you gave that one true gift this Christmas. The gift of unconditional love. Love you for it!

Debra She Who Seeks said...

I can see how the holiday season would be a particularly problematic time for these kids, a real "trigger" time for acting out. Hell, it is for a lot of adults too.

Blessings of the season to you and Mr RK and the kiddo too.

Betty Manousos said...

merry christmas!
xoxo

Abby said...

Sad but such a hopeful story. Merry Christmas!

Elephant's Child said...

Wonderful. Thought, gesture and you.
This is such a hard time of year for so many.
Today our Christmas Day is in the past, but I am going in to the crisis line where I expect to hear from a LOT of people who feel deserted, desperate and alone.

CraveCute said...

Oh RK you did such a wonderful thing! Bless your little kitty heart! Merry Christmas! ~ Diane

G. B. Miller said...

To quote a line from MASH:

"M, you done a good thing."

Ileana said...

He is so incredibly fortunate to have you in his life and what you did and the reaction to it got me teary because I know how tough you can be but I also know how thoughtful and generous you have been. You are so right about not giving up on people. It's so hard though because on the other hand you don't want to be an enabler. It's tough to find the right balance but you have done it. LOVE this post! Enjoy the rest of the holidays, chica! :)

Claire said...

Love this post, sweetie. You are a real treasure.

Charles Gramlich said...

You are a saint. Or about as close as we get here on earth. :)

Ms. CrankyPants said...

Beautiful.

OldLady Of The Hills said...

Brava to you, dear RK...It is as you said---we all need someone to love us and believe in us, even when we screw up! I also think you are correct in your other resolution---you cannot be the only one they call when he gets in trouble A truly loving decision benefiting both of you, and Mr RK, too. Tough Love, but Hugs, too!
A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU AND YOURS, MY DEAR.....!

Cheryl said...

I so admire you for your generous spirit. That has to be horribly frustrating when the kid makes bad choices...but you are right in thinking that everyone needs to know they is someone in their corner. Here's hoping the New Year, brings less in the way his "acting out" and many more instances of him "reaching out".

Riot Kitty said...

Hey everyone! Thanks for all of the sweet comments...I'm not a saint by any stretch of the imagination, but we did have a good time.

Lee said...

You're a good woman, RK.

This time of the year is difficult for lots of people, for lots of reasons.

The simplest gestures...a hug; a smile; a kind word; and words that give hope and show someone cares...they mean so much.

May karma never lose your address, RK. :)

Vanessa Morgan said...

Thank you for visiting Traveling Cats. I'm now following back via Bloglovin.

A Beer For The Shower said...

This was awesome. I don't think like you do - I would have not given him anything for screwing up - and probably would have blown it. You see the bigger picture, though, and this sounds like something that will definitely have a positive impact in the future. You rock.

Riot Kitty said...

Lee: You're sweet! Thanks. The last line is one I need to borrow.
Vanessa: Thanks!
ABFTS: Check back with me next Christmas. He may yet get a lump of coal up his ass.

Green Tea said...

Some kids take longer to get back trust. It is good you aren't giving
up. I have a Grandson "B" who is trying to find himself, he is angry and I fear sometime that he is depressed.
The cause of this is his mixed up mother who left my son and her 3 kids age 8 4 and "B"3. for someone she met online...Husband # 3 who she has now divorced
So where did he go to find himself..His very strange mothers home in TX where she lives with her teenage daughter and her new truck driver guy.

He knows we are all here for him, but i just fear she will let him down once more..so I pray..
Don't faint that I showed up ;)it is cold here and I am hibernating for a couple days.. Hope to see you in Feb.