Go offline yourself! Please.

Now, I need to start this post with the note that the overwhelming majority of people who sign up for our events are awesome, low-maintenance (or reasonably low-maintenance) individuals who want to help. That is my disclaimer. But I can't really find a lot of humor about that, so today I write about the remaining 1% who are probably going to cause me to go bald.

I am coming to the conclusion that our website for the event coming up at work makes people a) blind and b) forgetful, and c) removes any trace of diplomacy they may have had previous to contacting me.

As in, "HELP!! No one can find my team when they search for it on the site!!!" This from the same people who select the box that says "do not allow my team name to be searchable on the website."

As in, "I just tried to post a link on Facebook and it says the page's privacy restrictions won't let me!! How are we going to do fundraising if we can't post the link?!" This from the person who did not check the box that says "allow my name to be searchable on my page in connection with a fundraising page for this event."

My favorite are the people who email you and start out with, "Now, I know this isn't your fault, and you have no control over it, but..." And then unleash a torrent of abuse on you.

To me, that introduction, if you plan to be rude,  is complete MERDE. I mean, come on. That means, "I'm going to bitch anyway just because I can!" Right?

Over and over, we tell people that if they aren't computer-savvy, they can sign up for the event on a piece of paper. It's called a registration form. Not too high tech.

But the same people who say, "No! I absolutely want to sign up online!" Then they can't figure anything out and think that our job for the next several weeks is dedicated to helping walk them through turning on their PC.

My favorite complaint to date, though, is this one: "It's really annoying that I can only post three pictures on the webpage I create!" A bit of background: these are temporary pages people create for a couple of months to do fundraising and post about why they are participating. Not a permanent site or page.

Don't you wish you had that much free time?

Of course, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE PEOPLE ends their email or voicemail with, "Call me ASAP!"

Because with a tiny staff running an entire state organization, we have nothing else going on and nowhere else to be. There was one person who kept emailing me on my vacation (she always emails at night and on the weekends and expects an immediate response) and, despite the out of office messages, wrote back, "WHERE ARE YOU?!"

To which I would have loved to write, "Staying home to annoy you!"

I wish people came with buttons that said "take me offline," for all kinds of reasons.