Monday, October 29, 2012

My little brothers and the mail man

So tonight I'm talking with my littler little brother (16), B, and he says, "I got a membership offer from the NRA."


I kid you not. The kid's first solicitation letter, and it's from the NRA. (I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. My late godfather's cat got a piece of mail once, and the cat's name was Oreo. You'd think they'd check these things. Who sold his name? The groomer?)

Me: "What, did they tell you that because it's so close to the election that they need your money to protect you from the liberals who want to pull the guns out of their cold, dead hands?"
Him: "Pretty much."

Don't you have to be legally adult to get solicitations from membership organizations? More to the point, how the hell did they get his name? The only organizations he has belonged to so far in his life are Cub Scouts and a comic book store.

He has a funny history with the mail, though. Every time he visits, BOOM! Victoria's Secret soft core porn comes in the mail. Perversely, getting the mail is one of the small chores we ask him to do when he visits, in between episodes of massive spoiling.
Did I mention that B and my bigger little brother, N (33) both have experiences with Playboy?

Apparently my parents' neighbor get Playboy, and on at least one occasion, their mail man brought it to the wrong house. Without looking at the name on the plastic cover, my dad put it in my stepmom's pile of mail. Without looking at the same name just referenced, she opened it. B lamented, "I didn't even get to see it!"

To paraphrase the Beastie Boys, his mom threw away his best porno mag.

Which reminded me of another story about Playboy and the mail. When N was in high school, somehow he and his best friend got it into their heads that they were going to win the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes. They thought it would be hilarious to have Playboy delivered on national television (you know how the winner gets the first magazine of the subscription delivered with their prize?) Not thinking they'd actually get a bill and perhaps NOT win, guess which high school senior started receiving the magazine? Guess whose mother got the bill? (Hint: she's my mother also.)

How about you? Anything good in the mail lately (or previously)?


wigsf3 said...

NRA. Better than getting a dozen credit card applications.

Jen said...

Wow. I didn't know they sent mail. I bet it was the cub scouts. I'm not kidding.

Lynn said...

It's bizarre to be in the situation in which I used to give a lot of money to organizations because I made a lot (10 years ago) and now don't. They never give up though, but it's good orgs like NPR and Doctors without Borders. Nothing like the NRA though! The Playboy story is hilarious. :)

The Elephant's Child said...

I have been getting wonderful wonderful (snail) mail from other bloggers. Such a treat. And all cherished. And shortly I will be receiving a painting which I fell in love with when I saw it on a post. To cut to the chase I put my hand up and was allowed to buy it. I will post about it when it arrives.
The blogosphere has been soooo good to me.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

The only good thing I get in the mail are packages when I win a giveaway on someone's blog! Otherwise, it's just bills and junk mail. Oh, the occasional card too perhaps. No porno mags!

Claire said...

Ha! Loved the two later stories, but the NRA one was odd!

G. B. Miller said...

The last interesting thing that I got in the mail was a nifty little card couple with a gift card to B&N from the Well Known Friend.

To which I was and always be enternally grateful.

John McElveen said...

An NRA solicitation. Today--I kid you not.


Scarlet said...

Your little brother is wise beyond his years (and has a great sense of humor, btw)...but the NRA?? Wow!

I don't get any cool stuff anymore...but I used to get really funky postcards. My friend, Sue, from NY loved to embarrass me by sending me crazy pc's. Miss those days.

Introverted Art said...

wise little brother, but I can't stop laughing at cute cat photo and caption ;-)

Riot Kitty said...

WIGSF: I think he'd prefer the credit card apps - as long as my dad got the bill.
Jen: Really? I am so curious now!
L: Even if you've never made a lot, they still hound you if you join one - in my experience anyway. I started getting solicitations in high school when I joined Amnesty.
TEC: That is so neat!
Debra: Hey, at least you're winning ;)
C: I know! He sent me a picture to prove he wasn't joking.
GB: You are a rather well known friend yourself :)
John: Seriously! Election season...
S: My family still sends weird postcards. It's kind of our trademark.
IA: He is 16 going on 40!

DWei said...

I never get good spam like that. All I get are pleas for more donations from charities.

Rock Chef said...

Can't remember the last time I got mail worth talking about! Give us your money! Give us your blood! That is about it!

Darth Weasel said...

just one more reason to never check the snail mail. they could stop the service entirely and save this country all the millions of dollars they lose every year without hurting my feelings.

even on those nice-every-four-weeks when I DO check the mail...cannot remember last time I opened a piece. they all go straight to recycling

Riot Kitty said...

DW: I'm sure some porn will find you sooner or later! I bet that furry guy has some.
TC: That's one and the same, isn't it? :0
DW: Sad to say, it's pretty much here, except Netflix, legal stuff and cards from my family.

Anil P said...


You tell it best, Riot Kitty :-) The best, no less.

Nothing, the letter box has been empty a long time now.

Birdie said...

Last week I received toothbrush replacement heads for my electric toothbrush. (There was a good deal on Wagjag.) So. Not. Exciting.

Granny Annie said...

Okay you got my attention and now I'm caught up...I think. This morning I'm having salsa with napkins for breakfast. Thanks for the diet tip. As far as not knowing what to say to your friend, I can't believe that. You are a very caring a compassionate person and know how to make a person feel better...I can testify. Now to the playboy thing. My son was getting up in the middle of the night for a period of time and finally his sister ratted him out. It seems we were getting the Playboy channel on our television free and he wasn't going to tell me. They had offered it for one weekend and failed to turn ours off. OMG! WTF! This was in 1979 my son was 9. Sorry it really doesn't match the mail question.

Riot Kitty said...

B: Well, at least that was something you wanted, right? But I can send you Playboy if you like ;)
GA: Welcome back!! Very funny...and that is hilarious about your son!

Senorita said...

My grandma used to buy my grandpa Playboy waaaaay back in the day. When his mother came, she of course had to hide them. One time she found them in the dumpster and demanded to know where they came from. lol.

Give me B's address and I will "accidentally" mail him my Vic secrets hahaha.

Riot Kitty said...

S: Hey, welcome back! That is hilarious!