Tuesday, October 23, 2012

I can very easily believe it's not butter

Well, I haven't tried the product in question, but I couldn't resist this as the title for a post about trying a vegan diet. As most of you know, I've been a vegetarian on and off since fourth grade, and completely vegetarian for the past decade. What is the difference, some people have asked? Vegan means you eat no animal products at all, including things that have milk, eggs or cheese.

I decided to try this because multiple studies have shown that many people with an illness I was recently diagnosed with who are on this diet have been able to completely stop taking medications, or at least severely reduce the medications, after a few months.

Yes, I love cheese enchiladas, but I figured this was worth a shot. I was already not drinking milk. Results so far have been great, but I have learned a few things...

1. Avocados and peanut butter are your best friends. Well hell, you've got to have something a little fattening once in awhile. Though the diet calls for not much of them.

2. No substitute will taste like butter. Believe it.

3. Most vegan veggie burgers taste like...well, it's debatable if you'd rather lick the floor, before or after wiping it down with bleach.

4.  Be prepared, even if you live near a city that closely resembles Berkeley, to have a hard time finding things to eat out if you're in a traditional "American" place, e.g. for a work meeting. "Vegan? We have a fruit plate." I'm a vegan, not a rabbit (although Mr. RK would find that statement debatable.)

5. Five words: Extra. Virgin. Olive. Oil. Popcorn. NOM!

6. Veggie broth sometimes has animals in it (WHY?!)

7. Likewise, fake cheese often contains lactose. Inquiring minds want to know: Why the hell would you buy fake cheese if you could eat the real thing? Masochism, maybe?

8. I have gotten funnier looks checking out at the grocery store lately. You try shopping for one vegan, one meat-eater who is not on a restricted diet, and two cats, and your shopping list looks a little like this: dry black beans, vegan chicken burgers, chocolate, Cosmo bad girl Kama Sutra edition, litter. (Yes, I bought that magazine. Throw everything at me.)

9. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, who finds out you are doing this diet (and you're not sure how, because you're not trumpeting it everywhere), says things like, "Well, I COULD NEVER DO THAT!" (tip for the uninitiated: I don't really give a flying fuck), and "Well what do you eat?" To which I'd like to reply, "You know - salsa with napkins. That kind of thing."

10. I don't have a number 10. Insert your own funny comment here.


22 comments:

Debra She Who Seeks said...

I have a few vegan friends and know that oriental and east indian restaurants are the only places that are truly vegan-friendly.

That classic LOLcat has always been one of my faves! Nice to see it again.

LL Cool Joe said...

I COULD NEVER DO THAT!

Oh, sorry. Blimey you must be a pain in the arse to have at a dinner party! :D Joking.

Lynn said...

I used to eat a Macrobiotic diet, same as vegan. Grains, beans, vegetables - pretty much it. I've never been thinner, but I thought I'd go out of my mind craving sugar.

The Cosmo bad girl Kama Sutra edition. :) My mind immediately flashed to the first meeting about at Cosmo about that edition. "What could we do that we've never done before???"

The Elephant's Child said...

I am a long term vegetarian leaning towards veganism. A bit. Giving up dairy products would be my big killer. I don't like soy milk in tea. Black tea makes me puke.

And my shopping trolley looks a little like yours - a dedicated carnivore human, two dedicated carnivore cats and me. I should add how peeved I become when I buy a vegetarian cookbook and the last third is desserts. Hello, I have not heard of beef lemon meringue pie, or chocolate spare ribs either. Humph.

G. B. Miller said...

I could never do a vegan/vegetarian diet, but I definitely wouldn't bash someone over the had about it.

If a person wants to do it, more power to them. I've actually know people who have done since I was about your younger brother's age, and I've been exposed to it since I was my daughter's age.

However, one time I did have someone explain what a "vegan" was, which was due to me saying I didn't drink milk and they asked if I was one.

wigsf3 said...

You're answer to #6 is this: ANIMALS ARE TASTY!

Rock Chef said...

Well at least you have a good reason for trying it - most just seem to do it to make a statement...

Make sure your calcium intake is good...

#10 Vegan choc-chip muffins CAN be really good, but usually taste like a cow-pat.

You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun... said...

I don't know how into making-food-at-home you are, but a friend of mine created a cookbook that may be helpful to you. Most, if not all, of the recipes are vegan. There are tips for using vegan substitutes for non-vegan ingredients.

I blogged about it a while back: http://thingsiliketoeatandothernonsense.blogspot.com/2012/01/every-now-and-then-i-like-to-throw.html

By the way, this is totally not a spam comment. I legitimately think this cookbook might come in handy. :)

You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun... said...

Also- the vegan chocolate chip/ oatmeal cookies from Trader Joe's are REALLY good.

Birdie said...

I love a big ass steak so I could never do that either. *sigh*

If you ever want to move to the Pacific Northwest, more specifically one of the islands you will have no trouble eating vegan. Both my step-daughters are and know every place vegan and there are a lot of them. However, I worry about both of them because they look malnourished and are about 25 pounds underweight and they smoke which makes no sense to me. They are young and I don't think they are doing the vegan thing properly.

Riot Kitty said...

D: It was the first time I had seen it. Love it!
J: Don't know yet, I haven't been to a dinner party since I started a week and a half ago ;)
L: Macrobiotic would be really tough! And good point about Cosmo...
TEC: I am sure someone out there, somewhere, probably in Texas, has made chocolate spare ribs ;)
G: That is hilarious! I think my reply would have been something like, "I don't drink juice, either - I am trying to dehydrate myself and make jerky."
WIGSF: My cats think so. So does my husband.
RC: And how does one make them taste good vs. taste like cow pat? :) I have many reasons for doing this, but I'd never presume to tell anyone else what to eat. When I was a vegetarian, a vegan told me I was "being half ass" but it was OK for him to wear suede because he bought it at Goodwill! True story.
You're Lucky: Awesome, thanks! I will totally check it out.
Birdie: Funny enough, I do live in the Pacific NW...I'm sure it's much easier to be vegan here than elsewhere. Sorry to hear about your stepdaughters...I think you're right, they're probably not getting enough nutrients. And smoking's not exactly healthy :(

Scarlet said...

Ha! I hate it when I want to do something positive and people bash it and tell me it's impossible. I would like to know more about the foods you CAN eat than those you can't and who knows, I just may join you...at least for a while to cleanse my system (I feel I need to detox). Of course I can't give up the red wine or Bustelo coffee, and as far as I know there are no animals in either one of those things...so let me know if you stumble upon some healthy and tasty dishes.

Riot Kitty said...

S: Exactly! And I have proven those negative people wrong before, so I can do it again. And I just got a book of recipes so I will let you know how it goes! You're OK on the wine and coffee ;)

Rock Chef said...

When my wife has made vegan cakes in the past she used a vegan powdered egg substitute called No Egg. This made a huge difference to how they looked and tasted. Previous advice had been to replace the eggs with vinegar!

Mike_D said...

Most vegans have no sense of humor. You have a sense of humor. Remember this....

Scarlet said...

Good to know and thanks...my new e-mail: ilyzu1216@yahoo.com.

Thanks, Chica. Hugs from Miami...♥

Riot Kitty said...

RC: Vinegar?! That is nasty! There are a variety of egg substitutes that I have read about and am going to try, and vinegar is not one of them!
Mike: ;)
S: Thanks chica!

Claire said...

I won't say number 9, but still...respect. I spigging love avocados!

Riot Kitty said...

C: I do too, and of course I'm not supposed to eat them ;) I did have avocado sushi today though.

Darth Weasel said...

you still get popcorn so you are covered. except butterless popcorn...this is a sad thing. but best of wishes on your attempt

Senorita said...

I fucking love butter. Believe.

When a vegan tells me they are vegan, I always tell them I could never do that, lol. I am pretty sure no flying fucks were given.

Riot Kitty said...

Darth: I found olive oil popcorn at Trader Joe's...but movies are going to be tempting.
S: So do I! But I found something pretty good that's similar. But movie popcorn...nom nom...that is going to be difficult.