Thursday, September 06, 2012

Stories from the front

Welcome to the newest addition of true stories from work!

Mind you, I am one of the very, very fortunate people who loves my job. However, every job where you interact with humans (as opposed to animals or plants) has its moments...and there have been some interesting ones lately.

Recent caller: "I want to move to your area from California. I want phone numbers for all (39) counties in your state so I can find out about services."
Me: "You can find them at..."
Caller: "Hurry up! This is long distance."
Me: "OK, you can -"
Caller: "Slow down! I have to write slowly. I have a neck disability."
(Does anyone know what that means?)
Me: "OK, tell me when you're ready."
Caller: "I'm ready! Hurry up, this is long distance! Aren't you going to help me?"

The beautiful (insert sarcasm font here) thing is that this person keeps forgetting that she has called, and has called about 12 times.

Then there was my conversation with the manager of the program that sent us the volunteer who peed on the floor.
Manager: "Can you tell me anything that will make him more employable?"
Me: "Have him not pee on the floor!"

Seriously, folks. Even my cat has figured this out.

Then I went to give a presentation with some volunteers last week. It was supposed to be 85 degrees, so I wore a skirt and blouse, but it was really chilly in the morning.
Conservative older volunteer: "Well, you wouldn't be cold if you had just put some clothes on!" Apparently showing kneecaps is risque.

Then, of course, you know I always have sex dreams ONLY about people I have to deal with in upcoming social situations and would never, ever, in any kind of parallel universe want to sleep with. So the most recent one was, of course, about someone I know through work and have to see very soon!

How about you? Anything interesting going on in your corners of the world?


LL Cool Joe said...

Yes I think peeing on the floor would be a draw back in any job. :D

A skirt above the knees? Wow you must have looked like a real slut! any photos? Ha ha!

The Elephant's Child said...

I give off 'psychotic people welcome here' pheronomes. Almost every time I get on a bus, whether I am reading or looking out the windows, people wish to talk to me. And to give me their often very strange take on life. And now two of them have rushed up to me on the street and introduced their families. Pheronomes I tell you...
I don't pee on the floor at my voluntary job though.

Lynn said...

Don't even get me started about my neighbor...

Debra She Who Seeks said...

I hope you didn't have any sex dreams about the volunteer who peed on the floor. Although if you did, the dream probably involved "water sports" amiright?

Rock Chef said...

Hah, Debra beat me to it! :-)

G. B. Miller said...

No new stupidity to report. What happened recently was covered in my blog last week.

OMG, you showed a...kneecap?????

Oh the shame of it all!

Now you'll have to wear a paperbag over your head and become The Unknown Volunteer (shades of The Unknown Comic).

Granny Annie said...

So glad things are going on in your world. Mine seems to be in a holding pattern right now. Ever been there?

Adam said...

sounds like a troll on the phone line

Riot Kitty said...

Joey: It was a Victorian nightmare ;)
TEC: VERY glad you don't pee on the floor there.
D and RC: EEEEEEEWWWWW. Need some mental bleach now. OMG.
G: Ah, give it a day or two...there will be something to report.
GA: Totally have been there...hang in, hon!
Adam: I wish! I kid you not, this person sounded very real. I think she forgot she had called...the previous 11 times.

A Beer for the Shower said...

I'm sad to say I've never had a real sex dream. But if that means I don't have to have sex dreams about coworkers I'd never want to even look at, then I guess I'm okay with that. Better than dreaming I banged Jabba the Diabetic Office Slut.

Scarlet said...

You showed your kneecaps at work???Have you no shame, chica??

I want to know more about your sex dream. Who is he??

Riot Kitty said...

ABFTS: Yeah, I would say so. BTW I laughed my ass off finding out what was a real person!
S: Someone who works for one of the organizations who sponsors our events. He's not bad looking, but I am pretty sure he doesn't shop on my side of the street, AND he's closer to my dad's age than mine.

Logical Libby said...

People are still concerned about the cost of long distance? I thought that went out with phone booths.

Riot Kitty said...

L: I don't think she was the sharpest crayon in the box.