Saturday, July 21, 2012

Fred and his Willard

I thought about blogging about the recent shootings, but I was just too upset thinking about it.

So I'll move on to aging celebrities getting busted in adult movie theaters. Granted, no one wants the headline, "Fired by PBS, Defended by Porn Theater Owner," but seriously? Do the cops have nothing better to do with their time?

Personally, I don't give a flying fuck if people amuse themselves in a venue where people basically go to - you know. I think PBS was lame to fire him, because 1) he hasn't been convicted yet (he might still get off, no pun intended, like the naked airport guy in my city just did), 2) it's just stupid, and 3) as a former marketing person, I can tell you the publicity would have made a lot more people tune in!

As my dad put it, "Old Fred was doing what boys do at porn theaters.  At age 72 I say Go, Fred!" 
And as my friend K put it, "What exactly do people THINK happens at a XXX theater?!
That's like arresting someone for drinking in a bar."

Mind you, I'm sure Old Fred could have afforded big screen porn in the comfort of his own home, but maybe he felt like getting out a bit.

*Ninja edit: he said it was a lousy film!*

Which reminds me of a story. Don't ask me why, but my friend L would say, "This would only happen in your family!"

My grandfather is a retired pastor and a notorious prude. (Until recently, when we found out that has been getting him into trouble at the assisted living facility for being sexually inappropriate with comments to the staff...but that's another post.) Anyhow. After crusading against porn his entire career, he randomly decided, when he was about 65, to go see what all of the fuss was about and go see an adult film in a theater.

He told my dad about the experience.

"So there are all of these guys in there, and they all have raincoats on their laps. Why do they have raincoats? And there's this funny smell. And then, the movie starts, and ON THE SCREEN THERE IS THIS TEN FOOT PENIS! AND A HUGE VAGINA!"

My dad: "So, what did you do?"
My grandfather: "I FLED FOR MY LIFE!"

When my dad told me this story, we both laughed so hard that I almost drove off the road.

If you have any similar family stories, I'd love to hear them. Even if they don't involve porn.


LL Cool Joe said...

I don't think sex has ever been discussed in our family. That's probably why I'm such a prude too. ;)

Lynn said...

I had to look up Fred Willard and see what he did. :)

That story about your grandpa is hilarious!

Granny Annie said...

So many items in the news.
What will R.K. choose?
No shootings are to be berated,
Highlighting he who ma#&$#*ted:)

Your title "Fred and his Willard" rocks!

And just as Pee Wee Herman thought it was safe to come out of the water...

Debra She Who Seeks said...

My porn theatre story pales beside your grandfather's rockin' experience. I've only gone to a porn theatre once, more than 30 years ago. I went with a bunch of girl 'n guy friends. It was pretty seedy. And of course, in the lobby, someone recognized one of my guy friends and came over to chat. "Hey, how are ya?" etc etc. He was humiliated by running into someone there. It was a double bill, but we only lasted until about halfway through the first movie, LOL! Had to get out of there!

Claire said...

Oh my goodness! I managed to spill coffee everywhere giggling at your grandpa story.

Totally worth it!

wigsf3 said...

Fred Willard, two words: "What happen'?"

NellieVaughn said...

I am so glad you decided to write about this instead of the shooting. This has weighed heavily on the entire nation. I haven't slept very well, and I am looking for a little smile wherever and whenever I can find it.

A Beer for the Shower said...

Poor Fred. Someone get him the Internetz, stat.

I've never been to an adult theater, or know anyone who has, so I can't share a story about it. See above about that whole Internet porn thing.

Hope you're enjoying your Russell Brand picture, and maybe we'll see him grace the blog one day?

Riot Kitty said...

Joey: So what does that say about me? :)
L: I am not kidding - when I heard it I laughed so hard that I nearly crashed the car.
GA: Haha! I would love to see some more of your rhymes.
D: That is hilarious! I haven't ever been to an adult theater, but I would think that people would avoid eye contact. Then again, someone tried to pick up my friend at the Museum of Sex in NYC.
C: Sorry about that!
WIGSF: Fantastic! My little bro just saw that movie today.
NV: Glad to hear it. I've been really upset myself.
ABFTS: And now that I got him, he will be next!

Professor Chaos said...

I really don't get why anyone would bother raiding a porn theater. So he had his Peeny out? Do they think anyone in the XXX theater is going to be offended by the sight of a penis? That's one of the things they're paying to see.

Shionge said...

Strictly no porn movies here in Singapore - banned!!! Except for some intimate scene, it is RA - Restricted Audience only. find release hehhehe....pple might just turn to the internet for pleasure.

Talking about sex is a no no in our society but I suppose more and more people are open about it. Sex education is taught in school as well but that's strictly EDUCATIONAL heheheh......pleasure is another thing :)

Riot Kitty said...

PC: Good point!
S: Pleasure should be educational ;)

Dwrek said...

You have some of the best blog posts I have read. Keep the updates coming.

Logical Libby said...

Hasn't Willard heard of the Internet? Or is this one of those generational tech divides?

Riot Kitty said...

D: Thanks!
L: Seriously, I didn't even know those theaters still existed.