I couldn't possibly make this up.
I just started work for a nonprofit, and one of the people I met today, who works for an affiliate, has the same name as the late porn star.
So naturally he's been the butt of jokes in the office...my boss got a voicemail from her friend, letting her know that her John Holmes blowup doll was ready...
Turns out Mr. Holmes likes looking at asses and looking us up and down in a completely obvious sort of way. So I marched into my executive director's office tonight and said - we were talking about boundaries with constituents - "Speaking of boundaries, if John Holmes ever looks down my shirt again, I'm going to step on his foot - HARD - and pretend it was an accident!"
Which of course made the director apologize and sweat bullets...and it probably wasn't very nice of me because he isn't responsible for this guy and tends towards nervous and awkward anyway...
But still! You have to see the humor in it.
And the likelihood of a penis very unlike the John Holmes original.
9 comments:
That is hysterical! I just just hear you saying that out loud. hahaa I don't think I could with a straight face...
John Holmes, "butt" of our jokes...I think you see where I am going here...
Too funny..I hope you do it Kitty.
My daughter left her last job because of a male pig..
She felt it wasn't worth risking her career to bring it up before she found another job.
But when she left she did interview with Human Resources and told them that they should not put a Woman in her position or the next time they may have a lawsuit.
I feel so out of it. I had never heard of John Holmes!!
Way to go Riot Kitty!
too funny!!! perhaps you could find a sticker or fake tattoo that says something obscene to him and wear it where he'll be "peering"...! :) What a goon.
there is quite a lot to live up to in that name!!!my guess is he falls very short.
one of my past coworkers ended up being a male porn star. I didn't know about it til I saw his pic in a moview review in a gay mag. Of course I asked him if he had a twin who happened to do porn. he laughed, and made light of it. but seriously, how awful is it to google your good friends porn name and see an image of his penis. just not what I needed to see, but could not help myself. I had such a hard time (no pun intended) looking at him professionally again.
OMG. What a tool! But a tool with a hilarious name (and no doubt, a schlong like a maggot!).
Cxx
I love all of these comments...but Viva, what a fucking hilarious story!! That is the best!
And "schlong like a maggot..." C, that is priceless!
I need to tell you all about a lovely man in the UK who is, unfortunately, also named John Holmes.
He is very witty, intelligent, sarcastic, and is one of the writers and presenters of a weekly radio show called The Now Show on radio 4 - it's most like The Daily Show in the US, I guess, in that both shows are topical and consistently funny.
He is introduced every week, and every week the exact same sound sample pops into my head, unbidden: 'Some John Holmes Motherfucker'. Either Whoopi Goldberg, Robin Williams, or Billy Connolly said this at some point in the late 80s, while trying to describe someone they'd met. I can't remember which comedian it is, because I had a weekend-long a HBO video marathon with some friends once and I just remember this was on it somewhere.
But every Friday at 6:30 pm, I compare this small, clever Englishman to The John Holmes, and then I giggle like Beavis and Butthead.
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