Monday, January 08, 2007

Great Headlines From 2006

I have been sending these to friends, one of whom asked, "Are you writing these down?"

Why yes!

Here are the best of 2006 that I have seen:

Castle Rock Woman and Dog To Compete At National Show
(My money's on the dog)

Dicks Not Seeking Intelligence Post
(Well that's a relief! But what about idiots?)

Trump Shows Miss USA His Soft Side
(Too much information for me...hasn't he heard? There are drugs that can help...)

Wise Men Testify To Dragon's Virgin Birth
(Wise men who have smoked what, exactly?)

No Sex, Please, We're Lizards
(Well that's an excuse I haven't heard before!)

New Year Will Be Really New
(No, really?)

Fatal Tour Boat Unsafe
(You think so?)

Republicans Want to Turn Over a New Page
(Apparently, more of them than you'd think...)

Priest's Relations With Foley to be Probed
(I think this one speaks for itself)

Boring Man Dies in Car Crash
(Interesting man survives?)

First drugs, then terror: Now US in War With Spinach
(Our nice reputation in the international vegetable community)

Gay husband denied Studds benefits
(That might be a downer)

Wild Boar May Have Caused Tainted Spinach Outbreak
(And a kangaroo secretly wrote those WMD memos...)

Sharks Can't Fight Power
(I head they support renewable energy, though)

Ex-rep Foley Expresses Regret at his Father's Funeral
(He had wanted to be cryogenically frozen...)

And my personal favorite:

In Oregon, Every Day is Turkey Day
(All of us who live here are well aware of this every time we get on the freeway.)

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