Can I sue Mother Nature for false advertising?

Today is supposed to be the first day of spring. Ha.

When I think of spring, I think of:

Flowers
Leaves on trees
Sunshine
the Easter bunny
and all of that good stuff.


What we have:
Flowers at the store
Bare trees
Frost in the mornings
Hail
Cadbury eggs.

It's about this time of year, after months of rain and brr (ok, not as brr as you in the Midwest, but you get the point), that I start to seriously question 1) my sanity and 2) why the hell I live here in the Pacific Northwest.

At least Mr. RK has more stories to make me laugh.

Last week at work, this really annoying, self-righteous woman started complaining about how her husband didn't like it when she went out to clubs and danced with/hung out with other guys.

Trying to drum up support for being a slut, I suppose, she asked Mr. RK, "Well, you got to clubs, right?"

Mr. RK: "No, not really."
Her: "And you drink, right?"
Mr. RK: "No, not really."
Her: "Well, have you ever?"
Mr. RK: "I quit all of that when I left the porn industry."

Silence...did I mention that this person is also really gullible?

And then she didn't talk to him for the rest of the day.

Things I have learned this week

I'm stealing Lynn's idea for Random Photo Thursday and morphing it into Three Thoughts Thursday, which is the number of ideas my brain has room for at the moment.

1. I get more many comments on posts that involve dick size than ones that are truly introspective.

2. Just about everyone I meet (myself included) is partly Irish. Did everyone hop the fence?

3. Mr. RK got annoyed at work when one of his co-workers kept calling him Robert (which is not his name.) So he started calling her Steve.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Plagiarized from Joey's Pad

My friend Joe wrote a very insightful post, and I'm stealing a quote he posted that made me think.

"Nothing is hopeless - if you can't choose what happens to you, you can chose how to react."

- Sarah Brown

I have grappled with this over the years, going from a spunky kid (from birth) to an anxious kid (after my parents got divorced and I moved too many times) to an angry young woman (after I realized not everyone in the world was nice or truthful), and now (I hope) finally to someone who is learning to be calmer and not react by assuming the worst.

My friend Darth Weasel put it this way a few years ago, when we were both having a difficult time at work: "I ask myself, 'Will you care about this tomorrow?'"

My buddy Claire's blog has a picture up saying, "Be calm and drink more tea." I wrote her that I tend to be antsy and drink more coffee!

I have had such a hard time wrapping my mind around the tragedy in Japan, questioning God and the universe...in addition to a week of family drama. But Joey's post made me rethink that in many ways, too. I can't prevent bad things from happening - to my loved ones, or to strangers far away - but I can choose how I react. I can choose to help.

Versatile

Thanks to Marnie, I have a topic to write about!

I've been sick (ill, not perverse) and not thinking super clearly, hence the absence from writing.

Marnie nominated all of her blog buddies for the Versatile blogger award. Thanks!

So this involves thanking the blogger who nominated you (check), passing it on, and sharing seven "fun" facts.

I forget who already has done this post, so I pass this on to any of my blog buddies who would like to post.

Speaking of fun...I don't know how "fun" these facts are, but they're all true.

1. People ask me when I decided that I did not want children...I knew from birth. I remember having an argument at age 5 with someone who kept telling me I'd change my mind. "No, I won't!" And I didn't.

2. Before I met Mr. RK, I totally wanted to go out on a date with Michael Palin.

3. If the world ran out of cheese enchiladas, I'd probably fall down and cry.

4. As a kid, I preferred action figures to dolls. I still do.

5. I have moved nearly 30 times in my life.

6. I hate makeup.

7. My great-grandfather organized the Milwaukee Railroad and also captured Baby Face Nelson when he was a volunteer deputy sheriff in Iowa.

There you have it!

Kissing the turtle

I'm happy to report that I am not the only member of this family making faux pas.

On Friday, Mr. RK said a group of Filipina ladies at his work were discussing the fact that one of them had just gotten a pet turtle.

"I don't know why I got it," she said. "It doesn't do anything. It just sits there or crawls around the aquarium."

Mr. RK left to do a task in another part of the office and came back a couple of minutes later. The turtle owner said, "So I just picked it up and kissed it."

He said, "You kissed the turtle?"

And the entire group of women started laughing so hard they had to hold their sides and cry.

Mr. RK: "What?"

One of his Filipina co-workers explained that while the turtle's owner was indeed talking about giving her new pet a smooch, "kissing the turtle" in the Philippines was slang for giving oral sex.

Mr. RK turned about five shades of red and said, "It's a good thing I'm not here right now!"

Lucky in bed

What did you think I meant, you perverts?

TGIF!

Wisdom from our family

"I'm just like you. I was sleeping beautifully, and then - KABOOM! - I had to wake up."
- From my little sister, age 10, after waking up for school in the morning

Me to a driver who almost hit our car: "Hey, fucker!"
My 15-year-old brother's reply: "Yes?"

"My cat wouldn't respond to the name they gave her at the shelter. So I renamed her Kitty, Kitty, and now she responds."
- My grandfather, in a conversation with my dad

"I'm actually willing to take it all off. Should I do that?"
- Me, to a bewildered TSA agent at the San Jose airport