Friday, April 21, 2017

You will not, will not, run my show!

Ever deal with a micromanaging control freak who doesn't actually do any work? Wait, that's redundant.

This is a Seussy ode to one such person who shall remain nameless, except to be known as the Bitch of Vancouver. This person tried to control the seating at an event of mine that she wasn't even attending - the day before it - among other things. Enjoy.

Dear Bitchface -

There is no time for sentiment,
You aren't controlling my event!

I'm so tired of your bleating,
trying to control the seating.
You can't rearrange a chair
if you fucking won't be there!

You never do respond
until crisis and beyond.
You blame things on your staff,
but it's really simple math.
Your inbox is jam packed,
and you really should be smacked!

You're really quite a pain - 
you point fingers and complain,
claiming others shirk, 
while you don't do any work.

It won't be quite so funny
when your group runs out of money.
But then you'll probably blame us,
throw up your hands, and fuss.

The character that suits you best?
The green-faced Wicked Witch of the West.
Is it triggered by dementia
that you complain in absentia?

So go ahead and whine,
and if you find this post unkind,
I think you're a miserable hag,
and I won't be left holding the bag!


Elephant's Child said...

I think most of us have come across one of those. Generally with those who practise suck skills for success hanging firmly attached. And also a pain.
Good luck.

Birdie said...

I was just thinking about you a day or so ago and now see that I missed a post. Well, welcome back. Sorry you have to deal with so many difficult people. Hang in there!

Debra She Who Seeks said...

I bet it felt good to get that off your chest! Hail Poetry!

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Lee said...

Well, that's telling more than a nutshell!! Good for you! :)

Granny Annie said...

Oh I had a lot of folks I could have shared this with before my retirement. Excellent Riot Kitty! Excellent. If I was still in the corporate world I would print this off and place on several desks anonymously. LOL!!

LL Cool Joe said...

Haha. I love the way she tried to control the seating arrangements when she wasn't even going to be at the event. Sounds like my mother.

Charles Gramlich said...

Glad you got that off your chest!

HBF said...

Not happy to hear that you've been being bothered-happy to read that lovely poem! It felt relieving just to read it... I think I shall rant myself soon. Thank you for the inspiration :o)

G. B. Miller said...

Beautifully and eloquently stated. Sadly, being a guv'ment worker entitles me to have such people 24/7 at my job. And those people have issues accepting the word "no".

I Are Writer!

Jono said...

Amazing poetry! Just pour water on her and wait for the screams as she melts into oblivion.

Abby said...

Ha! This should be a book, complete with illustrations! Sorry you have to deal with BF. I have a couple of control freaks in my life, and I try to feel sorry for them.

Lynn said...

Sounds like some coworkers I have known. :)

Blue Grumpster said...

You may have insulted the green-faced Wicked Witch of the West. The Bitch of Vancouver... somehow I like the sound of that. Maybe it's the image of you smacking her....

A Beer For The Shower said...

Pure poetry. Seuss would be proud. Or maybe not.

And hey, maybe the next time she does this and she IS there you can make her seat a rusted toilet. Too obvious?

Lee said...

I love it!!! :)