Sunday, September 13, 2015

The cat ate my valium, and other tales from the pharmacy

One of my good friends works as a pharmacy technician, and she has so many fucking incredible stories that I told her she needs to blog. She hasn't started yet (she's busy studying for/applying for grad school), so I thought I would share a few of her tales from the pharmacy.

Once again, they're all true. We aren't creative enough to make this stuff up.

1. RX with my name on it for sale... The pharmacy gets a phone call from a pissed off mom whose daughter bought someone's prescription pain pills - and his name was still on the label on the bottle. This same work of brilliance was always "losing" his pills and needing more - down the sink, down the toilet, and yes, one time, he claimed his cat ate them. (Can you imagine a cat on pain pills? Don't they already sleep enough?)
2. Viagra Friday My friend says the most popular day for Viagra refills is Friday. Right before a weekend out on the town, or the bait for a Craigslist post for older guys? "Hey ladies, just picked up my Viagra...for a good time, call..."

3. Everyone in my family works out A LOT There is a family who is apparently all on muscle relaxers. Parents, kids. And lots of them. Mysteriously enough, the manufacturer is the same as Vicodin, and the size/shape/imprint on the pill are all the same as Vicodin. So my friend is guessing they're selling them like someone selling oregano as pot.

4. My boyfriend's in jail, so I'll take his Oxycontin...Someone tried to pick up a controlled substance prescription for her boyfriend. Only problem: he's in jail at the moment. (Yes, really.) Needless to say, she didn't volunteer this information - they knew already.

5. Everything's easy to keep track of except the Atavan. Our board president works for a pharmacy as well. She said when they did medication packs for group homes, people kept "losing" the Atavan. Nothing else. Even though it's all in the same pack.


How about you? Any doozies from work (or home) lately?

14 comments:

Elephant's Child said...

Sigh.
We really, really need to devote more research time and money to finding a cure for stupidity.

Lynn said...

My pharmacy is probably still laughing about my call in question from about 20 years ago: I was popping my birth control pill out of the pack and it flew into the air, landed on the floor of the bathroom (little white pill, white tile floor) and I never found it, despite all the crawling around looking.) I called and asked if it was going to hurt my cat when she ate that pill - and I was sure she would. She put me on hold and I imagined uproarious laughter in the pharmacy. :)

It's always crazy here at the office. I am 99% sure I left work one Friday afternoon with my blog displayed. The operations manager told me to leave my computer up so she could check something on the customer service email. She has said little things that makes me think she saw it. And the plant manager keeps dropping the phrase "good things happened" in a knowing manner. Sigh. It's OK, but I briefly thought about taking it down and changing it, but I figure it's fine and perhaps they might think about why they don't appear in very often (if ever.) :)

Charles Gramlich said...

people and drugs. eh?

Claire said...

Oh man, these are golden! Love your tales.

Email to follow soon with details of career change :)

Lee said...

Oh, Remy and Shama come up with tall yarns every day...most of them need censoring! :)

Abby said...

Bet that girl was bummed to find out the pharmacy knew her boyfriend was in jail. Maybe she could get a Viagra Friday hookup? I hadn't thought of how story-rich working in a pharmacy could be, but it makes so much sense!

I remember going through some job applications for a lab I was working at. One question asked about recreational drugs, and a woman included her birth control pills. Seems appropriate.

Blue Grumpster said...

Viagra is... blue, right? (Just saying.)

LL Cool Joe said...

Ha ha, funny tales, your friend definitely should write a blog. Apart from the viagra I haven't heard of any of these drugs. :D I'm so innocent. ;)

CraveCute said...

I'm not as innocent as LL Cool Joe above, but what is Atavan?
Anyway, hilarious anecdotes!

Vanessa Morgan said...

Haha, I want to hear more of your friend's stories ;-)

Mike_D said...

I swear, I lost the Oxycontin! It was on the table one minute and the next it's gone!

agg79 said...

I can imagine that the demand for Viagra on Fridays is pretty stiff. The combination of cats and drugs can be a recipe for chaos. Some of my SIL's cats don't need any more stimulants.

A Beer For The Shower said...

On the other side of the fence, you should see the hoops my wife has to jump through to get her Adderall prescription for ADHD. They pretty much sit you down and talk to you for 30 minutes to not-so-subtly vet you, even if you have ADHD, to make sure you're not going to sell it/abuse it. I get why they do it, don't get me wrong, but it's still funny to hear her come home and talk about the doctor asking her if she's ever, you know, just thought about selling a few (fake friendly voice). No harm in that, right?

Granny Annie said...

The only pharmacy stories I know are of the old days when I was in college and my doctor gave me a REFILLABLE prescription for Dexedrine. I could stay awake and study all night and clean my room and.....etc. Super Girl!