Tuesday, February 21, 2012

My beef with scary movies

Famous last words: "It has the guy from Harry Potter in it, how scary can it be?"
I don't recall the last time I hid my eyes for most of a movie, but this one did. Even more embarrassing? I saw it with my 16-year-old brother, who I am sure was trying not to laugh at me.

Mind you, I saw The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. So I thought I was tough enough for this one, but then I realized that it was an old-school horror movie, not a thriller - a horror movie without gore. Not for me. I am a big chicken. (Had Daniel Radcliffe been at all naked in the movie, I might not be resenting having spent $8.)

Nevertheless, I did keep my eyes open for enough of those 90 minutes to come to the conclusion that most horror movies or thrillers have some cliches that I would like answered.

1. Why is there always a ghost in an old, rambling mansion in, say, the English countryside? Why not in a new condo in Florida?

2. Why, when the protagonist knows there is a fucking psycho ghost in the house, do they go in anyway? Meanwhile, we're in the audience going, "Noooooooo! Don't go in that house!"

3. Something inevitably bad happens after this. And then...the other characters are surprised. Um, why? I told you, he shouldn't have gone in that fucking house.

4. The house always has a graveyard. Isn't that another useful clue?

5. The ghost always seems to want something in order to be satisfied and go away. Why not just come out and say, "Ok, bitch! What is it you want?" right upfront?

6. Why does most of the scaring happen at night? Are ghosts nocturnal? Or are they just averse to electricity?

7. Is that why they always knock out the lights/snuff out the candles?

Inquiring minds want to know.


middle child said...

I can only answer #1. The key words are - old and new. I live in a house that's over 100 years old and yes, ghostly things have happen. We had a new condo In Florida and as it was new.....No pain, trauma etc. had yet to happen there.

NellieVaughn said...

I love horror flicks. One day, I hope to own a home in Cornwall, England. A very old home, covered in fog and ghosts. One can dream.

Lynn said...

I don't know about this movie. Hmmm. I'll wait for Netflix, I guess.

wigsf3 said...

1. There are ghosts in the condos in Florida. They're called retired people.

2. If the person in the movie didn't go in the haunted house, it wouldn't be much of a movie. And seeing as how you dropped a cool 12 bucks to see the movie, the person better damn well go into the haunted house.

3. Again, for 12 bucks, they all better go into that damned house!

4. Lots of old mansions have graveyards. The many generations who lived there were buried there.

5. Geez. Today's generation. You just don't get subtlety, do you?

6. Yes. Ghosts prefer the night. Their white spectral form contrasts better at night. Besides, they're dead. What do they have to be up early each day to do?

7. Again, they look better at night and in the dark.

Jeannie said...

I had to watch it alone as my husband is a chicken. I was not really frightened although I was frustrated. Why did he stay in the house with all the bumps in the night? Why stay in the room with the corpse? Didn't make sense.

All in all, I found the movie to be more sad than scary. I do have to wonder what mechanism allowed the ghost to hypnotize the children.

Claire said...

I loathe scary movies. I love LOLcats.

Riot Kitty said...

MC: Interesting. I always felt that there were ghosts in my great aunt's house, but it wasn't that old - built in 1926.
Nellie: And there you will film a movie? :)
L: I'd skip it. It's sad, like Jeannie points out.
WIGSF: I was hoping you'd do a list like this! Bwahaha. I suppose when I'm dead I'll sleep in as often as I want.
J: Well, I was terrified! And I agree w/those questions. I also thought it was very sad. The ending really pissed me off, too.
C: Yeah, I was thinking "thriller" not "pee your pants scary." LOLcats are best any day!

Logical Libby said...

Not watching horror movies. I don't care who is in it. I jump too much at the sight of my own shadow.

John McElveen said...

Now that I have stopped LMAO- I have your answers, as I too have thought about some of these!

1. The rent is too high in the Condos--the recession has even hit Haints!

2. It's in the script--they have too!

3. Ummmm- Great point- but they are usually stoned out of their gourds!

4. Now this is still a mystery!!!

5. Ghosts are tactless and tasteless inconsiderate assholes. Do they even have them? Do ghosts fart? This may explain 7.

6. You can't see a Ghost in the light--Duh--it's sheet doesn't show up as well! Dang--Chicks-he says shaking his head!

7. Ghost farts blow out the candles accidentally!

I hope you don't hate me forever and after you die come and fart on me all the time--I always thought it was the dog--Now I'm thinkin maybe it's my Dad and he's lauhing his sheet off!

Hugs RK!

PS: I know what you did last summer!

Riot Kitty said...

L: Yeah, I didn't think this was a horror movie, or I wouldn't have gone. Psychological thrillers are much better.
John: Bwahahaha!

Darth Weasel said...

Some great comments in there.

The Goose will not take me to horror movies anymore because I laugh at all the wrong parts.

Like in the Grudge when the little weird kid keeps appearing randomly for no apparent reason, I was laughing so hard it ruined the movie for the entire theatre. They wanted to be scared but you hear one person laugh and suddenly the ludicrous nature of it overwhelms the fear.

LL Cool Joe said...

I don't watch this kind of movie with ghosts etc. not because it scares me, although they probably would, I just try to keep away from the dark side. Although that doesn't stop me reading books about serial killers. :D

A Beer for the Shower said...

I have yet to find a horror movie that scares me, so most of them I just roll my eyes at. It's probably, as you said, in the cliches. "Hmmm, so this mansion is haunted, and the guy's going in anyway. Gee, I wonder what's going to happen."

*guy's head gets chopped off*

Big shock. Is one of these actresses gonna get naked, or is this movie a complete bust?

Riot Kitty said...

Darth: I did laugh at a couple of parts that weren't really funny, because they were so unrealistic. So maybe we should go see these together!
Joey: The books with serial killers would scare me way more, I think, since that stuff really happened. I can't read stuff like that or I get nightmares.
ABFTS: So basically you had the same reaction I did, just wanted another character naked? :)

Scarlet said...

Once upon a time I loved scary movies. My friends and I loved sneaking into movies like "Halloween" and yelling at the chicas going into dark homes (or the woods) trying to find out what all the noise is about. WHO DOES THAT??

Riot Kitty said...

S: People in a scary movie, I guess ;)

G said...

I don't do horror movies, but you can't forget another question that pops into mind:

"Why is it that people who happened to be having sex are the first to die?"

Riot Kitty said...

G: Really? I've never seen a real horror movie. They must be made by Puritans...

Shionge said...

Because I close my eyes most of the time watching ghost or horror movies I don't watch them at all LOL :D