You will not, will not, run my show!

Ever deal with a micromanaging control freak who doesn't actually do any work? Wait, that's redundant.

This is a Seussy ode to one such person who shall remain nameless, except to be known as the Bitch of Vancouver. This person tried to control the seating at an event of mine that she wasn't even attending - the day before it - among other things. Enjoy.

Dear Bitchface -

There is no time for sentiment,
You aren't controlling my event!

I'm so tired of your bleating,
trying to control the seating.
You can't rearrange a chair
if you fucking won't be there!

You never do respond
until crisis and beyond.
You blame things on your staff,
but it's really simple math.
Your inbox is jam packed,
and you really should be smacked!

You're really quite a pain - 
you point fingers and complain,
claiming others shirk, 
while you don't do any work.

It won't be quite so funny
when your group runs out of money.
But then you'll probably blame us,
throw up your hands, and fuss.

The character that suits you best?
The green-faced Wicked Witch of the West.
Is it triggered by dementia
that you complain in absentia?

So go ahead and whine,
and if you find this post unkind,
I think you're a miserable hag,
and I won't be left holding the bag!

Spring had better fucking spring

Sorry for the long absence. I've been trying to get my life back after something traumatic. I'm involved with another writer, who reminded me that I need to be blogging, so...

Universe, help me out here. We are living in the apocalypse, and this has been the winter from hell! We have had no sun breaks here in the land of the dark, and vitamin D and intense workouts can only go so far.

Throw us a bone, will you? I stitched this years ago...it sums up my current attitude.

In the meantime, I have yet another event coming up and once again, I need a shirt that says, "I'm not your mommy!"

To wit:

If you attend my free luncheon, don't complain about the food. It's from a hotel, after all. And, you didn't pay for it, or donate!

If you sign up for advocacy action, and I let you know the goddamn minute we hear from the Legislature about a hearing, don't complain that you "didn't have enough notice." Particularly if you don't have a job to go to.

If you want to sell ice cream at my event, get my fucking name right in your email.

Likewise, if you want to play music at my event, get back to me, or I will book another band.

This all brings to mind the comment a fellow event manager got a few years ago, letting her know that it "was hot at the walk, and there should be more trees for shade."

I told her to tell that person, Start planting!!

 I will visit you all very soon.