Thursday, October 09, 2014

I am not your mommy!

I think I need to make a shirt with those words and wear it - you know, at events, in the office.

We had our gala dinner Tuesday (and I am obviously old because I'm still tired, hence the lack of blogging) and I kid you not, that day at 3:30 pm I get an email:

"RK, what is the dress code for dinner?"

I'm heading out the door in FIVE MINUTES to go start setting up at the hotel. I AM NOT YOUR MOMMY!
On the phone with someone I referred to a clinic. "Do you know how long the wait time is?"

I AM NOT YOUR MOMMY!

What I am, apparently, is the provider of strawberries for the resident squirrels. I had no idea that they enjoyed fruit. Little bites are appearing in the berries as soon as they ripen.

Apparently I am also the resident safety officer. Reading before bed last night, we heard a big crash...then Vasil scurried off somewhere.

Mr. RK later discovered that Vasil was attempting to get up into the guest bedroom closet - or rather, onto the top shelf - and didn't quite make it, falling into a box of Legos.

Yes, Legos. Mr. RK said I could tell you that he is secure enough to own up to Legos.

I am going to sound like a horrible person but I find it easier to deal with wildlife and tamed wildlife than people these days. No matter how easy we try to make it for people to get services, for instance, some shitheads want everything done for them. However...

These are interesting times. We had an appointment a couple of weeks ago for someone who needed to sign up for Medicaid. His mom came with him and although her son was the one with the diagnosis, this woman was just this side of bonkers. Or maybe just bonkers. She was getting so self-righteously worked up about something, and I thought I was going to have to ask her to leave - and then she spied the candy dish on our conference table.
"OOOOOHHHHH, CANDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" She ate half of the bowl by herself in twenty minutes flat.

Then she said, "You know? If I had known I was going to have to wait, I would have brought my ukelele."

And yes, I know, these are terribly politically incorrect, but I take happy pills myself, so I know crazy when I see it.

18 comments:

OldLady Of The Hills said...

LOL, LOL.....You make me laugh, my dear RK.....And I empathize, too!!! You should have a t-Shirt made up with that at Cafe Press. They do Great work! And I love the one with the Cat's tongue sticking out!
Do you think people are just getting dumber and dumber by the day?? Because kit seems that way to me, for sure!

Linda said...

I love the ukulele part. That is crazy. Can you imagine if everyone brought their instruments to a waiting room? that would bring out my crazy, and I am not even on any happy pills.

Rock Chef said...

Hm, wonder if the son is really the one with the problem...

Dexter Klemperer said...

Ukelele, that's fantastic. You should have told the person who asked about the dress code that it was a costume party.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

LOL @ Dexter! Wouldn't that have stirred the pot!!

Charles Gramlich said...

Ukulele = crazy. Indeed

Ms. CrankyPants said...

Well before I met him, my husband used to carry around a banjo in college and play it while waiting at bus stops. I'd like to think it was charming, but people might've thought he was annoying and/or nuts. He's a bit of an oddball, but I kind of like him!

ditchingthedog said...

I have worked in some offices where a dish of candy is the only thing keeping everyone sane, staff and clients.

Lee said...

Don't come whingeing and complaining to me! I'm not your Mommy!!!!!1 ;)

LL Cool Joe said...

Ha ha, the ukelele comment cracked me up. I would have had to say "Oh I wish you had, because I could have sung along with you! How about something from"Nuts"?"

And how come British people call it Lego, even the plural of lego is lego, so where does this 's' come from??

Granny Annie said...

Is this the proper time to tell my secret that sometimes I go into the toy room and play with Legos I have there for the grandchildren? Mr. R.K. should know he is not alone:)

Abby said...

HA! Well, now I'm just thinking that it's a good thing for you she DIDN'T bring her ukelele. Her poor son.

Mike_D said...

This merely proves my ongoing theory:

People are deeply stupid.

A Beer For The Shower said...

Ah yes. Just when you think you're crazy, someone will always come out and show you what crazy REALLY is. Or stupid. Or, lord help us all, both.

G. B. Miller said...

Insanity is the key to coping with the crazies in the world.

Now before anyone jumps on me for that comment, think about it for a moment: if you dealt with what Ms. RK deals with on a daily basis, chances are you would choose wildlife/domesticated animals over those particular individuals.

After all, animals are for the most part, easier to deal with than people.

Ileana said...

Ha! I love this post. It's so real and charming and hilarious. The kitties always make me smile...so appropriately placed within your stories. You should write a book about these adventures, under a pen name, of course. Just sayin'... :)

CraveCute said...

Whenever I have to wait for something, I'm using this line!

"You know? If I had known I was going to have to wait, I would have brought my ukelele."

Great post RK, aren't people funny!?

Blue Grumpster said...

RK, what kinda club do I need to scare them a bit? (Say it... I'm not.... your...)