A not-so-open letter

Some things you just can't say in public - at least if you are working with a group of people and everyone has to get along.

Me, I find it difficult to keep my mouth shut.

However, for the sake of my volunteer leadership team, I have so far only communicated my thoughts about one of the "leaders" to a couple of others.

Hopefully, the subtle announcement at our leadership planning meeting reminding everyone that we are volunteers and should treat each other respectfully will sink in for this asshole.

But I'm not counting on it, and so I hereby wish to drain my supply of ire before it spills out at a meeting.

Here's a letter I wish I could send:

Dear volunteer co-chair:

I was really excited at first, when you became the co-chair for our Portland chapter of the volunteer group which shall remain unnamed on this blog. You seemed to have lots of energy, a good sense of humor, and a readiness to take on any task.

Alas, I have since realized that you are ruled by your moods. You were in a good mood then. You have not been in such a good mood for the past five months or so.

Among the things that piss me off about you:

1. As a friend and fellow volunteer put it, you do condescending really well. I don't understand this. We're all working for free, not for you.

2. You are a hypocrite more often than not. You critique and criticize others' contributions while producing no work of your own. Contribute before you castigate! Especially because you took a job IN ANOTHER CITY and at least for now, you are gone four days a week, and "can't" help much.

3. On that note, I hear your job is ending soon, and I am sorry about that. However, all of us are sick of taking directives from you in Seattle, when we're on the PORTLAND volunteer committee.

4. Frankly, you are a jerk. After you apologized for sending me that nasty e-mail out of the blue, you claimed several other volunteers had found the same fault with my e-mail habits - e.g., discussing more than one - gasp! - topic in an e-mail. Funny thing is, they're not the back-stabbing types, and furthermore, who gives a shit? I like efficiency, not bureaucracy. If I happen to ask about more than one thing - and mind you, they're related things - in an e-mail and you don't like it, I think you should go fuck yourself.

5. This is totally unrelated, but my guess is that part of your frustration is that you have no one but yourself to fuck, seeing as how your partner wants to have another partner in addition to you. Then again, can I blame him? After a decade with you, I'd probably be hunting, too.

6. Your only redeeming quality is that in some light, you resemble the Purple Pie Man.

Hopefully you'll start being nicer, or step down, before all of this spills out of my mouth at a future meeting.

Sincerely,

Jr. Woodchuckette
E.g. volunteer girl