He was not a crook

It occurred to me today that Ford was president when I was born - an interesting connection, and of course, one that made me feel a bit old.

But anyway - my dad lived near Washington, D.C. during 1973-1974. Apparently, right after Ford was sworn in as president, he was still living in his Virginia home. And his first day "in office," he invited the reporters who were camped outside of his house inside for pancakes.

Amazing, no?

He was the subject of many a cheap shot, but proved more intelligent, and certainly more human, than many leaders since. Can you imagine Bush inviting anyone in for pancakes? (Maybe if they were going to profit Halliburton.)

What strikes me the most, the more I read about Ford, was that he was straightforward, humble, and approachable. Wouldn't it be great to have more leaders like that? For that matter, more people in general?

And unlike many presidents before and hence, Ford was not a crook.

In the words of Eric Idle...

This is supposed to be a time of year to wish for goodwill and peace on Earth (why don't we do that every day?), spend time with friends and family, etc.

But it has been ruined, for the most part, by last-minute shop-a-holics who forget how to drive, how to make room for other people when walking out of doors, and in short, how to be civil. I'm hoping that a modicum of civility will return Dec. 27, the day after the second busiest shopping day of the year (tomorrow), during which I plan to stay home and hide.

Fuckers. Thanks for ruining the Christmas season.

So for that part of it, I say, Fuck Christmas! (Especially for the bitch in the huge SUV who backed into my car and then demanded to know why I didn't back up because she had her reverse lights on.)

So I let Eric Idel speak for me, and everyone else who is tired of dealing with assholes this month:

Fuck Christmas!
By Eric Idle

Fuck Christmas!
It's a waste of fucking time.
Fuck Santa
He's just out to get your dime.
Fuck Holly and Fucky Ivy
And fuck all that mistletoe
White-bearded big fat bastards
Ringing bells where e'er you go
And bloated men in shopping malls
All going Ho-Ho-Ho
It's Christmas fucking time again!

Fuck Christmas
It's a fucking Disney show
Fuck carols
And all that fucking snow
Fuck reindeer
And fuck Rudolph
And his stupid fucking nose
And fucking sleigh bells tinkling
Everywhere you fucking goes
Fuck stockings and fuck shopping
It just drives us all insane.
Go tell the elves
To fuck themselves
It's Christmas time again!

And the dumbass of the day award goes to...

U.S. Rep. Virgil Goode, R-Va. (Of course he's a fucking Republican!)

Along with the mighty intolerant columnist Dennis Prager, who had a hissy fit because Congressman-elect Keith Ellison, D-Minn., is a Muslim and will be sworn in with a Koran (gasp!) and not a Bible, Goode just - well, he isn't that smart. (By the way - Prager, would you quit masturbating with the typewriter and find a real job? Or at least something real to write about? You must have a lot of free time on your hands, no pun intended.)

Prager claims the Bible is the only legitimate religious text in the USA; Goode sent a letter
to constituents saying that Americans needed to “wake up” or else there would “likely be many more Muslims elected to office and demanding the use of the Koran.”

“I fear that in the next century we will have many more Muslims in the United States if we do not adopt the strict immigration policies that I believe are necessary to preserve the values and beliefs traditional to the United States of America and to prevent our resources from being swamped,” he wrote.

Hey, here's a bit of news, dumbfuck: Ellison's family has been in the U.S. SINCE 1742!!
But hey - he's black and a Democrat and a Muslim, so he must be the enemy, right?

It just amazes me how some people haven't seemed to change since the Civil War. People like Goode want us back in the 1950s, I guess. Too bad, jackass.

What royally pisses me off, though, is that Goode and Prager and other intolerants have no qualms about their right to practice their religion. Imagine a similar letter being sent out to constituents, but replace "Muslim" with "Christian." These guys would probably have wet dreams imagining the lawsuits they could bring about.

I've never understood people who stand firm about their inalienable right to practice their own religion, marry who they choose, live how they want, etc., but are so quick to deny those same rights to those who are different.

It's simply un-Christian, if you want to know the truth.


http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/21/us/21koran.html?hp&ex=1166677200&en=2c8c8b1dbbf94e32&ei=5094&partner=homepage

Don't have pants? Need a goat?

Every once in awhile I look at the "items wanted" section on craigslist.org.

I found so many things tonight that made me laugh out loud that I just had to write another blog.

1. Uh...where, pray tell, do they sell goat carts?

Goat Milking gear needed

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Date: 2006-12-18, 1:06PM PST


The kids and I just started milking a goat, and I need a milking stantion/stand and a stainless milking bucket and whatever else it takes to do the milk thing. If you have extra goat gear you don't need and would be willing to give me a deal on, please email me. We also hope to train the babies to pack, so goat pack gear or a goat cart would be considered too.


2. Is she currently naked? How does one wind up without pants, exactly?

In need of Pants

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Date: 2006-12-17, 10:28PM PST


Hello my name is Tina and I'm going to be going to Job Corp in less than a month. The only problem is I don't have any pants I'm about a 10 or 11 I do prefer bell bottoms but anything can work I guess. I don't have the money to pay for them so I was hoping that they could be given to me.

• Location: Gresham
  
• It's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

3. And entering the "best inmate writer of the year" category...

Ghostwriter sought

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Date: 2006-12-18, 1:26PM PST


I have what I believe to be an important cautionary tale from the male perspective as to how relationships intersect with the criminal justice system. Basically I will be writing my autobiography from a prison cell for the next few years and am looking for some help with the process. Don't really have any money to offer up front, but I believe that my life would make a very important book for many people (men specifically) to read. Interested? Shoot me an email...

• Location: West Linn
  
• It's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
  
• Compensation: Co-author credit
  

Would you root for the alligators?

Genes are a funny thing.

If you are unconvinced, let me explain.

I got a holiday card in the mail today from my aunt, uncle and cousins, who live in Texas - by choice. They LIKE Texas. Houston, in fact, which in my experience (I lived there for six years) is the armpit of Texas, which isn't a lovely place to begin with.

Enclosed in this holiday card from loving Lutheran relatives was a picture of all of them on A FAMILY ALLIGATOR HUNTING TRIP. Not kidding. I don't know if they ended up hunting any or not (I certainly hope not), but if I had to watch them try, I'd be rooting for the alligators. (Kidding. Maybe.)

Amazingly enough, my cousin's new wife went on the trip, which was about a month after they got married. Talk about a honeymoon!

How am I related to these people? Do I really share more DNA with them than I do with a banana? How can this be?

I am an agnostic, vegetarian, Native American Irish Jew, and a progressive person who will never set foot in Texas again unless it's a stop on a book tour. (On second thought, if I get anyone to publish my book, maybe I'll create a proviso in the contract that I won't sell it in Texas.)

Yet somehow I have family who are arch-Republican, Lutheran, and whose idea of a good time is a good ol' romp shooting at helpless animals in Louisiana.

Life is strange.

In a hurry?

I was planning to write about the Texas state legislator proposing to let blind people go hunting, but Darthweasel stole my thunder (darthweasel.blogspot.com).

So instead, I will write about another one of my pet peeves, which became especially irritating tonight in a bookstore cafe.

I've got nothing against people in a hurry, mind you. But what I absolutely hate is people who are in such a hurry that they have to push, shove, and dart in front of you - no, actually, they have to be in exactly the spot where you are headed - to get there before you do.

You dumbfucks. What are you saving, one nanosecond? Do you need to get to your latte that badly, that three of you step directly in front of my extremely polite husband so you can get to the cafe counter before he does? Mind you, not the register - the counter where the drinks are already waiting. So you're not saving minutes by getting ahead in line - you've already waited in line!

Unless you need to grab the latte because you are going into labor immediately afterwards, kindly wait your turn. You're not the only one stuck in the cafe, having to listen to the painful renditions of "White Christmas" and "Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" while we wait for our buzz. (I always thought Mommy was a bit of a slut when I listened to that song, anyhow.)

Ditto for the people with kids who don't watch the kids, who run all over the place, then stop right in front of people and refuse to move. Fuck you! Why did you have to breed?

I've noticed people always seem to do this kind of shit to my husband. Does he look as nice as he is? They don't seem to do it to me quite as much - probably I give off a look as bitchy as I intend to be.

If you're all in such a hurry, why don't you do us all a favor: buy an espresso machine, make your own lattes, and stay home in the first place! That way you'll save lots of time. And lots of my patience. There's not that much there to begin with, you know.

What did hell do to deserve this one?

Controversial. Mixed. Repressive.

You wouldn't think those words applied to a genocidal dictator who tortured and killed thousands, would you? They're a little weak, no?

Much better, if tongue-in-cheek, is a headline from an Argentine paper: "What did Hell do to deserve this one?"

It just galls me that news stories and headlines have described the former Chilean dictator Augusto Pinochet so blandly. Only the independent publications have ventured to interview spouses and family members of several people he ordered tortured and murdered. And mind you, our own government helped him get to power, and according to documents declassified by the Clinton administration, helped him get a hold of several of his "enemies" who he later had murdered.

Sick, sick, sick chapter of our history - which Henry Kissinger, by the way, defended on a news show as recently as 2001.

Bad enough that Pinochet was never brought to justice; bad enough that thousands of his supporters (supporters! Who supports a genocidal dictator?) are pissed that the current president of Chile, whose father was tortured to death by Pinochet - and herself was a victim of torture in one of his detention centers - isn't giving him a state funeral.

Boo fucking hoo!

What a sick, sorry place this world is when we can't call a murderer for what he is. Or, for that matter, give him his.

It's like Eddie Izzard says in his stand up routine: kill one person and you go to jail. Kill several people and they put you in a mental hospital. Kill thousands of people in a foreign country, and
it's almost like the world says - Well done!

How fitting he died on Dec. 10, which is International Human Rights Day.

I'm sorry he didn't spend his final years rotting in jail.